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WWR 50- August 17th-23rd

by A. Kuluha Bacardi

WWR 50 for the week of August 17th through August 23rd

TAG TEAM TOP 25
1. Blitzkrieg Funk(Bastian Von Bismarck/Hans Wilhelm) -LoC, ACW 43 pts.
2. Hollywood Wrecking Crew- NFW 33 pts.
3. Mike Polowy/Jak Nemesis – DWF 32 pts.
4. Hawk Henshaw/Latrisha – PWR 31 pts.
5. The Superfans(Mark/Marc) – WCF 30 pts.

The Hollywood Wrecking Crew blast their way into the second spot this week.  Polowy/Nemesis continue to inch up the rankings.  Vox Nihili falls from the top 5.  Blitzkrieg Funk with a stranglehold on the top spot right now.

6. The Anthology(Jared Wells/Larry Tact) – EPW 29 pts.
7. Project Nova(Jayden Knight/Manny Rodriguez) 26 pts.
8.  The Industry(Chris Bond/Dave Milenko) – Hostility 25 pts.
9. Vox Nihili(Alias/Karina Wolfenden) – FWO 24 pts.
10. ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido/Starz N. Stripes – PCW 23 pts.
11. The Sex Symbols – WfWA 22 pts.
12. War Machine(Chris Champion/The Machine) – Simcoe Co. 21 pts.
13. Team Elite – II 20 pts.
13. Eaton Gore/Crazyman – TFWF 20 pts.
15. Legion of Dairy(cHEESE/egg NOG) – FWO 19 pts.

The big surprise, Vox falling all the way down to #9.  Escondido/Starz shoot up 9 places to crack the top 10.  War Machine up 3 to #12.

16. Spike Saunders/Callie Urban – FWO 18 pts.
17. Wolves of Slaughter(Elise Ares/Kazys Jankauskas) – PRIME 17 pts.
18. Dream Warriors – nbW 16 pts.
19. Desade/Lance Marshall – SCCW 15 pts.
20. Daddy Daughter Day(August & April Monday) – SCCW 14 pts.
21.  The Harlequins(Glory Braddock/Angela Jameson) – GDW 13 pts.
21. Angels of Death(Angel Scott/Angel Casey) – MVW 13 pts.
23. Scott DiBiase/Jason Lee – VWF 12 pts.
24. The Coven(Angel Andrews/Ellisa Torretto) – UWF 11 pts.
25. Rage/Mr. Larson – VWF 10 pts.

Interesting that there are three all female tag teams that inhabit the bottom five, Angels of Death, The Coven, and The Harlequins.  Rage and Mr. Larson fall all the way to #25 after losing their title to Scott DiBiase and Jason Lee.

WOMEN’S TOP 25
1. Kirsta Lewis – HOW/Simcoe Co/TFWF 42 pts.
2. Alexia – VWF 36 pts.
3. Katherine Stryfe – HIW 33 pts.
4. Michelle Masters – FWO 32 pts.
5. Miss USA – MVW 31 pts.

Miss USA makes the big move this week after her huge win Sunday night at the WWR Supershow.  Alexia also ventures into striking distance of the Hellcat Kirsta Lewis.  Michelle Masters falls to #4.  Amy Campbell falls out of the top 5.

6. Latrisha – PWR 31 pts.
7. Valora Salinas – WMW 30 pts.
8. Aimz (Amy Campbell) SCCW 29 pts.
9. Cecile Lecrux – Siberian Wrestling 27 pts.
10. Karina Wolfenden – FWO 26 pts.
11. Sydney Laroux – Simcoe Co. 25 pts.
12. Shade – VWF 24 pts.
13. Scarlett Willis – Simcoe Co. 23 pts.
14. Mad Maddie – cWo 22 pts.
15. Glory Braddock – GDW 21 pts.

Lecrux falls back 2 after her loss Sunday night.  Mad Maddie and Glory Braddock crack the top 15.  Sydney Laroux and Scarlett Willis both move up 1 spot.

16. Georgie Nickles – TFWF/Experts 20 pts.
17. Serena -UWF 19 pts.
18. Bobbinette Carey – HOW 18 pts.
19. Druscilla – WMW 17 pts.
20. Larks Marks – SCW 16 pts.
21. Stevie Swing – TFWF 15 pts.
22. Ashleigh McDaniel – SCW 14 pts.
23. Callie Urban – FWO 13 pts.
23. April Monday – ACW/SCCW 13 pts.
25. Abbey Spears – Siberian Wrestling 12 pts.

Say hello to the new ‘True Expert’ Georgie Nickles who debuts on the rankings at #16 as well as Stevie Swing at #21, Ashleigh McDaniel at #22, April Monday at #23, and Abbey Spears at #25. Wrestling Midwest’s Druscilla moves 3 spots up this week.

MEN’S TOP 30
1. Level-One – APW/DWF 57 pts.
2. High Flyer – FWO/NFW 52 pts.
3. Shawn Jessica Hart – LoC/EPW 45 pts.
4. Alias – ACW/FWO 41 pts.
5. Mr. Fantastic – VWF 40 pts.

Hart up 2 to #3 this week.  Mr. Fantastic jumps 3 into the #5 slot.  High Flyer gaining ground on Level-One this week.  Hart also beginning to enter into the picture.

6. MDK – SCW 38 pts.
7. Johnny Styles – HIW 37 pts.
8. Jason Snow – PRIME 36 pts.
9. ‘Triple X’ Sean Stevens – EPW/FWO 35 pts.
9. Joe the Plumber – NFW 35 pts.
11. Shane Reynolds – HOW 34 pts.
12. Sandy Makel – TFWF 33 pts.
13. Max Danger – ACW/FWO 32 pts.
14. Johnny Serious – cWo 31 pts.
15. Myke Adams – Simcoe Co. 30 pts.

Johnny Styles makes the big move to #7.  Max Danger climbs 12 spots back up to #13 after gaining the FWO Internet title last week.  Myke Adams up 4 to crack the top 15 for the first time.

16. Ali Amore – nbW 29 pts.
16. Edward White – WfWA/HRW 29 pts.
18. William – PWR 28 pts.
18. Aceldama – HOW 28 pts.
20. Trevor Wilson – ACW 27 pts.
21. Nick Stevenson – PWR 26 pts.
22. ‘Superstar’ Vince Jacobs – FWO/LoC 25 pts.
23. Nightmare – XWW/G-2 24 pts.
24. Xander Daniels – Hostility 23 pts.
24. Sean Tyler – Genesis Pro 23 pts.
24. Michael Thunder – G-2 23 pts.
27. David Black – HOW 22 pts.
28. Sebastian Cross – TFWF 21 pts.
28. Zeleos – XWW 21 pts.
30. Chester Addison – HIW/TFWF 20 pts.

Obviously, as we stretch out to 30 there’s plenty of new names at the bottom.  Ali Amore picked up a big PPV win and rejoined the rankings at #16.

WWR Completely Deranged: McGill v. Polowy plus bonus match

MATCH 7
EXTREME HARDCORE GRUDGE DEATHMATCH
Dawn McGill
VS.
Mike Polowy

 

*Yes, Please by Muse plays*

 

Suave: ‘So here we are.”  A cascading wall of boos greets Michael Polowy as he reluctantly makes his way up the aisle with Level-One and Jak Nemesis. 

Yes please, haha

I cannot sleep
There’s too much noise in my head
I cannot sleep
I want it here instead

I never thought that this could come to this
I just wanna look at your face in peace now
You’ll never miss
But I can

Suave: “One half of DWF’s Tag Team champions and the DWF Women’s titleholder.  Polowy right now is either living out the ultimate heel fantasy where practically EVERYONE in the building wants to see your ass get kicked three days to Sunday… OR…he feels like he’s walking into the lion’s den.  Probably a little bit of both.”  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)”  Polowy ate it all up.  He cupped his hand up against an ear and played deaf which only riled the crowd up even more. 

*opening guitar licks to the Beastie Boys ‘Sabotage’ play*

Suave: “THE CROWD STANDS AS THE SIX FOOT DEMOLITION MACHINE IN A SHORT SKIRT COMES OUT!”

“Can’t Stand It, I Know You Planned It
Ima Set It Straight, This Watergate
I Can’t Stand Rockin’ When I’m In Here
‘Cause Your Crystal Ball Ain’t So Crystal Clear
So, While You Sit Back And Wonder Why
I Got This Fucking Thorn In My Side
Oh My God, It’s A Mirage
I’m Tellin’ Y’all It’s Sabotage”

Dawn McGill, accompanied by ‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis of High Octane Wrestling, Simcoe County Championship Wrestling, Totally Fictional Wrestling Federation, Valora Salinas of Wrestling Midwest, and the undisputed Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA all climb into the ring.

“So,So,So, So Listen Up ‘Cause You Can’t Say Nothin’
You Shut Me Down With A Push Of Your Button
But yo, I’m Out And I’m Gone
I’ll Tell You Now I Keep It On And On

‘Cause What You See You Might Not Get
And We Can Bet, So Don’t You Get Souped Yet
Scheming On A Thing That’s A Mirage
I’m Tryin’ To Tell You Now It’s Sabotage”

McGill and Polowy glare hard at each other.  But it’s WMW’s Valora who starts in on Polowy.  Suave: “And the trash talking begins.  The referee is going to have a hell of a time keeping this one under control.”  Polowy takes a tentative step towards WMW’s Queen of Hardcore but McGill moves right away to cut him off.  Polowy wisely retreats back to his corner and confers with Level-One and Jak Nemesis.

Charlene Ann Beckworth is ready for the ring introductions.  Charlene Ann: “Ladies and gentlemen.  This will be our main event.  This match will be a no disqualification, hardcore deathmatch.  In this corner, seconded tonight by the Dream Wrestling Federation Champion and Wednesday Wrestling Rag’s #1 rated Men’s wrestler, Level-One, and the co-holder of the DWF Tag Team belts Jak Nemesis,  he is also one half of the DWF Tag Team Champions and the DWF Women’s-”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “I didn’t think the crowd would go along with that…”  Charlene Ann: “From Atlantic City, New Jersey, MICHAEL POLOWY!”  Another wave of loud dissonance emitted from the crowd. 

Charlene Ann: “In the other corner, seconded by the WWR’s #1 ranked woman wrestler, The Hellcat, Kirsta Lewis…”  A another loud ovation greets the visiting Hellcat with the PCW regulars in the front row genuflecting to her chanting ‘we’re not worthy…we’re not worthy.’  Charlene Ann: …the WWR’s #8 ranked woman wrestler, the new Queen of Extreme, Wrestling Midwest’s Hardcore Champion, Valora Salinas!”  Crowd: “QUEEN OF EXTREME!  QUEEN OF EXTREME!”  Charlene Ann: “Also seconding, the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion and WWR’s #10 ranked woman wrestler, Miss USA!”  Crowd: “USA…USA…USA…”  Charlene Ann: “From Morenci, Michigan, the Six Foot Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt and owner of the most lethal 4” stilettos there is- DAWN McGILL!”

Suave: “THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS!  BUT I DON’T THINK NEITHER McGILL OR POLOWY ARE PAYING MUCH ATTENTION TO THE CROWD RIGHT NOW.  McGILL HAS HER SINGAPORE CANE AT THE READY!”

The bell rings.

Suave: “THERE’S THE BELL!  McGILL COMES RIGHT OUT AFTER POLOWY!”  McGill swings the Singapore cane…*THWACK*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP! THAT SENT POLOWY STAGGERING ACROSS THE RING…*THWACK*  ANOTHER ONE!  McGILL’S TRYING TO FILET POLOWY’S BACK!”  Polowy immediately drops down and rolls out of the ring.  The crowd lets him have it.  Crowd: “DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  DAWN’S GOING TO KILL YOU! (clap clap clap-clap-clap)  Polowy pounds the ring apron and then notices Valora is a little too close for comfort.  He relocates himself back to his corner and once again discusses strategy with Level-One and Nemesis.  Polowy grabs a steel folding chair and climbs back in.

Suave: “Polowy back in…again…they’re talking back and forth at each other.  McGill is practically begging him to come after her.  Polowy is being a little more cautious right now.”  Polowy rushes in with the chair.  He swings.  McGill’s not there.  *CLANK*  The chair hits the corner ringpost.  Polowy again charges.  McGill grabs the arm and hits the armdrag takedown.  The chair goes flying across the ring.  Suave: “McGILL WITH THE ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!  HE CHARGES McGILL AGAIN…ANOTHER ARMDRAG TAKEDOWN!”  McGill adjusts her knee brace and waits.  Polowy charges a third time.  Dawn holds on to the arm into an arm wringer.  She pulls Mike towards her and lifts him up.  Suave: “McGILL HAS A FIREMAN’S CARRY…BODY SLAM!”  Again, Polowy slams his hand down and rolls out of the ring. 

MPlow tries to sneak around but Lewis is right there to stop that.  Polowy hurries back around and gets back into the ring.  Suave: “Mike almost seems a little rattled right now.  You can tell he’s trying to think his way through this.”  Polowy suddenly launches himself at McGill…flying shoulder block sends her to the mat.   Suave: “McGill on the canvas.  She’s back to her feet and…SHE TACKLES POLOWY!”  McGill pummels his head.   Suave: “THE CROWD AGAIN GOING NUTS!  NOW McGILL HAS AN CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  McGill goes with the Rear Triangle Choke.  Polowy powers up and McGill releases the hold.  Polowy clutches his neck.  He takes a wild left hand swing and missies badly.  McGill throws a left and connects sending Polowy reeling into her corner.  Suave: “Bad place to be.  THERE’S KIRSTA LEWIS!  WHOA!”  Lewis cold-cocks Polowy and sends him right back to McGill.  Dawn nails him with another left and sends him back to Lewis.  Suave: “Polowy looks like a duck caught in a firing range.”  Lewis grabs a barbed wire covered baseball bat and swings at Polowy.  He ducks…McGill has to duck…even Miss USA and Valora must duck.  McGill takes the opening and swings her foot hard, connecting with Polowy’s private area.  *CLANK*  Polowy grins and pulls down the front of his trunks enough to show a metal codpiece is protecting his crown jewels.  McGill motions to Valora who reaches down and throws her a taser.  Suave: “Oh…no…no, no…  *ZZZZAP*  HOLY CRAP!”  Mike starts hopping up and down, desperately trying to remove the codpiece…he finally does.

McGill then hits a standing dropkick and Polowy tumbles through the ropes to the floor.  Suave: “THE CROWD IS LOVING THIS SO FAR.  McGILL ON THE FLOOR…SHE WHIPS POLOWY INTO THE STEEL GUARDRAIL!”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis take tentative steps forward but step back when Lewis, Valora, and Miss USA respond in kind.  McGill gets a chair. *CLANG* He takes out the referee. *CLANG* Down goes Polowy. McGill throws the chair down and again pulls Polowy back up. Chop across the chest. A second one. McGill whips Polowy into the steel guardrail. Polowy flips over the guardrail into the crowd. Suave: “This has been all McGill so far.”

McGill is handed a cup of beer. Beer shot to Polowy. Cookie sheet is next. *WHACK* The cookie sheet is bent at a ninety degree angle after McGill uses it. Cheese grater.  McGill rubs the cheese grater across Polowy’s forehead cutting him open.  Suave: “CHEESE GRATER!  CHEESE GRATER!”  The crowd parts and creates a corridor as McGill pushes Polowy towards the concession stand. McGill throws Polowy head first into the edge of the stand. Polowy finally fights back and pushes McGill away. He tries to fire some shots at McGill. McGill goes hammerlock and then reverses into a side headlock. Polowy reverses into an arm wringer. McGill can’t break the hold so she punches Polowy in the mouth. McGill grabs a squeeze bottle full of ketchup and squirts it in Polowy’s eyes. McGill again chokes out Polowy. Suave: “Polowy’s taken a lot of punishment. How much more can she…say, what is Miss USA doing over there with that rope?” Miss USA throws a rope over a beam and catches it on the other side. McGill drives Polowy towards Miss USA. McGill gets another chair. *CLANG* Polowy staggers. McGill pushes him down at Miss USA’s feet. Miss USA loops the rope around Polowy’s feet. She pulls the rope on the other side and Polowy goes into the air feet first. Suave: “Well, this can’t be good.  Polowy’s strung up like a human pinata.” McGill gets a chair, winds up, and whacks Polowy with it. Suave: “McGILL’S GOING TO BEAT THE STUFFING OUT OF HIM! *CLANG* HOLY CRAP! *CLANG* The crowd roars. Suave: “A THIRD SHOT. POLOWY’S A SITTING DUCK…OR A HANGING DUCK…OR WHATEVER…HERE COMES LEVEL-ONE!” Level-One runs down and swipes the chair from McGill. *CLANG* McGill staggers backwards. Miss USA makes a run at Level-One. *CLANG* And falls backward as well. McGill gets up and charges again. *CLANG* McGill pirouettes and then collapses. Suave: “LEVEL-ONE CLEANS HOUSE. HE’S CUTTING DOWN POLOWY AND I DON’T THINK POLOWY KNOWS WHERE HE’S AT RIGHT NOW!” Level-One guides Polowy back towards the ring. McGill gets up a few seconds later.

Polowy gets about halfway up the aisle and stops.  Kirsta Lewis is now in the ring AMD waiting…with a nail gun at the ready.  The crowd roars.  Suave: “NAIL GUN!  THE HELLCAT HAS A NAIL GUN.  SHE’S BRINGING OUT THE HEAVY ARTILLERY!”  Polowy mouths ‘fuck this’ and heads back towards the locker room.  The crowd boos him incessantly but he continues on.  Suave: “Polowy’s had enough and he’s headed to the back.”  He disappears and then a few seconds later reemerges walking backward.  Then Angels of Death- Angel Casey and Angel Scott, Kathryn Randall Collins, Weathergirl Hallie, Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen, ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas- all with assorted sundry weapons, follow and herd him back to the ring.  Suave: “HE’S NOT GOING TO GET AWAY! 

Dawn asks for and receives a microphone.  Dawn: “Come on, Mikey.  Kirsta’s putting the nail gun away.  It’s safe for you to come in.”  She grins as Polowy slowly advances on.

The second Polowy gets back in the ring, he executes a flying knee drop to McGill’s midsection. Polowy climbs to the top. McGill gets hit with the shooting star press.  He covers…1 …2 McGill kicks out.

Suave: “Polowy with a stiff right hand!”  Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill fires a left right back at him.”  Crowd: “YESSSSSSSSSS!”  Suave: “Now it’s Polowy with another right hand.”  Crowd: “BOOOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill with another left!” Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “Polowy!”   Crowd: “BOOOOOO!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”  Suave: “McGill!”  Crowd: “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” 

McGill goes for a slam but she gets picked up and dropped with the fireman’s carry by Polowy.  He follows with a diving elbow smash and stomps McGill’s head.  Suave: “Polowy rakes his fingers across McGill’s back.  Now he goes up top…Flying Tomahawk sends McGill down to the mat.  Polowy kicks in the back of her bad leg. Polowy stands up. Polowy hits McGill with a double underhook piledrive right into the mat. Polowy sends McGill to ringside.  Polowy chokes McGill with a microphone cable.  He releases her and she falls to the floor.  Polowy follows with a fist drop.  McGill retaliates with a sharp elbow to the midsection.  She rakes her fingers across Polowy’s eyes.  Polowy pulls McGill’s hair.  Suave: “They are throwing everything but the kitchen sink at each other!  Watch out…Suplex on the way…wham!”  McGill gets tiger suplexed by Polowy.  McGill moves back to her feet and drives a forearm into the head of Polowy. She pins Polowy against the ropes and chokes him with her forearm.  McGill bounces Polowy off the ropes and sitdown face slams him onto the mat. Suave: “Polowy has taken a lot of punishment in the early going.  But he’s still in there and showing some heart.”  Lockup.  McGill sends Polowy to the corner of the ring.  McGill follows with a high crossbody.  McGill steps back and let’s Polowy get up.  She then hits the ropes and nails Polowy with a huge slingshot somersault splash.  Cover.  One…two…kick out.  McGill slaps on the camel clutch on Polowy.  Polowy powers out.

Suave: “Amazing action.  Polowy with a right hand to the face.  Polowy now drives a forearm into the head of McGill.”  Polowy snaps up the arm and takes her down with a corkscrew armdrag.  Polowy back into the ropes.  High crossbody on McGill. Polowy covers.  One…no…McGill quickly kicks out.”   McGill wraps her hands around Polowy to try for a belly-to-belly suplex. Polowy blocks it and throws her down. Polowy schoolboys McGill …1 …2  McGill again kicks out.  Polowy pulls her up and locks in the abdominal stretch.  Suave: “Polowy is going to try and wear her down.”  McGill manages to escape.  Polowy clotheslines her.  He kicks away at McGill and then puts her in an arm grapevine submission.  Polowy knees McGill and rolls back to his feet. When McGill stands,  he delivers a stiff inverted powerbomb that sends McGill hard to the mat. Moonsault follows. Polowy covers.  One…two…McGill gets out.  She attempts a cradle DDT but Polowy avoids it.  Polowy locks McGill in a full nelson and slams her to the mat. McGill climbs to her feet and uncorks a superkick on Polowy.  Recovering quickly, Polowy throws McGill off the ropes and hits a cross-body block.  He goes to an arm wrench to ground McGill.  She uses her power to rise up; Polowy uses a legsweep faceslam to bring her right back down.

Suave: “Dawn’s not moving as crisply as she was earlier on.  That knee, injured while she was an Army Ranger serving her country in Iraq, simply can’t stand up to the constant punishment.  That’s why Dawn’s never been a full or part time wrestler.  Polowy has fought a very smart match so far.  He withstood the initial onslaught he knew was coming.  And like the Ali-Foreman fight, he was smart enough to let his opponent tire themselves out.  The longer this match goes on; the better for Mike Polowy.  He may be in the driver’s seat right now.”  Polowy continues to grind.  He finds the metal codpiece from earlier in the match and starts jamming it hard into McGill’s bad knee.  McGill tries to claw her way to the ropes.  Polowy yanks her legs back and then stands and slaps on the figure four leglock.  Suave: “FIGURE FOUR!  POLOWY HAS IT LOCKED ON!”  McGill attempts to flip Polowy over and reverse the effect.  Suave: “POLOWY’S HANGING ON…”  Level-One and Jak Nemesis urge him on.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora Salinas shout out encouragement to Dawn.  McGill continues to inch closer to the ropes.  Suave: “BACK KICK BY McGILL!  SHE REACHES THE ROPES BUT HER KNEE IN INJURED…SHE CAN BARELY STAND UP!”  McGill clutches the ropes.  Polowy advances and she takes a couple wild swings that miss.  Polowy kicks at the bad knee and McGill loses her footing.  Suave: “She’s back down and now, Polowy is dragging her to his corner.  This can’t be good.”  Polowy and Level-One put her in the Tree of Woe.  Nemesis hands Polowy a chair and holds on to one leg.  L-1 holds the other.  *CLANG*  Polowy brings the full force of the chair on Dawn’s bad knee.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  *CLANG*  SOMEONE STOP HIM!”  Lewis inches into the ring and gets the referee’s attention.  This allows Polowy to continue to whack away at the knee with the chair.  Suave: “STOP HIM DAMMIT!”  Dawn topples off the corner and holds her knee in severe pain.  Polowy grins and motions to Level-One and Nemesis.  They come in and drag Dawn back to the corner and hold each of her arms.   Polowy places her right foot on the lower turnbuckle, then the other.  Suave: “STOP HIM!”  Polowy backs up a couple steps.  Then he charges forward and winds up with his foot.  Suddenly, in a blur his back is on the canvas and the crowd is going crazy.

Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE!  SOMEONE JUMPED IN THE RING AND…TESSA?”  ‘The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin stands over Polowy, oversized pizza box in hand.  Suave: “SHE JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL TODAY.  SHE JUST TOOK POLOWY’S HEAD OFF WITH THE PIZZA BOX!  HOLD ON!  THAT’S LORA KIRK!  SHE’S IN THE RING!  REAR CHOKEHOLD ON POLOWY!”  Tessa quickly exits.  Level-One and Nemesis attack KirK.  Kirsta Lewis and Valora leap into the ring and it’s on.  Suave: “NOW TRAVIS WILLIAMS AND CANCER JILES …ANGELS OF DEATH…KRC…ALL THE MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLERS ARE STREAMING IN!  IT’S A FREAKIN’ BRAWL!”  The referee calls for the bell and throws the match out.  A conga line of security personnel run down to the ring as Polowy, Level-One, and Nemesis are overwhelmed by sheer numbers.   Suave: “SECURITY IS OUT TO TRY AND GET POLOWY OUT OF HERE.  MEDICAL EMT’S ARE ATTENDING TO DAWN McGILL.”  Two security people help escort Polowy from the ring.  Valora tries to get at him.  She’s blocked by another security guard.  She grabs his arm and Border Tosses him over the top rope and through the announcer’s table.  Suave: “I KNEW THAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN EVENTUALLY!  NOW, SHE’S UP ON TOP…”  She moonsaults from the top and splashes Polowy and the two guards.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  VALORA JUST AZTEC MOONSAULTED ONTO POLOWY’S SECURITY GUARDS!”

The scrum moves up the aisle towards the back and clears the ring leaving just Kirsta Lewis and Level One.  They eye each other warily and start talking.  Level One takes exception to something Kirsta said and gets in her face.  Kirsta pushes Level One.  He pushes her right back. 

The flickering of red and gold lights along with the sounds of “Genesis” by Justice blare through the loudspeakers.  The crowd rises again…  Suave: “WAIT A MINUTE…I KNOW THAT MUSIC!  NO WAY!  THEY CAN’T BE HERE TONIGHT!”  German flags flew on the monitor.  Kirsta and L-1 turn and can’t believe what they see.  Bastian von Bismarck and Hans Wilhelm aka… Blitzkrieg Funk walking down the aisle towards the ring.   Suave: “I DON’T BELIEVE IT!  THEY’RE HERE!  THE WWR’S NUMBER ONE RANKED TAG TEAM, BLITZKRIEG FUNK!”  A referee slides into the ring and calls for the bell. 

MATCH 8
BONUS MATCH
WWR #1 ranked tag team
Blitzkrieg Funk
VS.
WWR #1 ranked Ladies Hellcat Kirsta Lewis and WWR #1 ranked Men’s Level One

Suave: “THIS IS AMAZING!  THE NUMBER ONE TAG TEAM AGAINST THE NUMBER ONE MEN’S AND WOMEN’S WRESTLERS.”   Blitzkrieg Funk bolted across the ring and it was on.  Hans with a double axe-handle down across Level One’s back.  Bastian sparring with the Hellcat.  Suave: “THIS IS UNBELIEVEABLE!……what?  What do you mean we only have a minute left in the broadcast?  You…you can’t be serious.”  Panzerfaust hammers black-taped fists against Level One’s chest.  L-1 lifts Wilhelm and nails the release German Suplex.  Bastian and Kirsta are locked up in a battle royale on the other side.  Suave: “No!  You can’t end it now!  No!  NOOOOOOOOOO!

WWR Completely Deranged: PCW Women’s-MVW Title Unification Match

Mike Polowy Segment
”Mom’s and dads, now might be a great time to tell little Billy to piss off for awhile.

Why? Because I’m not exactly going to be weaving a touching family tale here for the next several pages. For those of you teen and tweenagers out in blogland who’s parents are too busy doing anything but being parents right now, I want you to remember some of the words you see inside here today, and be sure to use them whenever possible.

Alright, this is fucking bullshit.

I mean, I get it. Tessa Martin might not be able to have babies anymore, boo hoo, I heard the whole fucking story enough times in the last two days to make me wanna vomit harder than a cheerleader with a cute face but fat thighs (PS, kids, bulimia is a GREAT way to lose weight. Write that down!). And everyone keeps looking down at me over their pointy little noses, like I’m supposed to feel some kind of guilt over being the guy who put her vag trough into this state of eternal hemorrhaging. What the fuck? Let’s be honest, especially with you men out there… women spend a week out of every month gushing blood out of those cervical slip and slides. Do you really expect me to feel guilty for having the same effect on her that a change of birth control would have? So in case I needed to clarify for all the neo-nazi feminist rug munchers out there who think I should be crying tears over Tessa Martin’s clit-splitting spiral into unconsciousness, no, I feel little to no remorse for what happened on Monday night. In fact, the only thing I feel a little sorry for at this point is that I couldn’t have brought her a comically large tampon after the match with a big red fucking bow on it.

So what’s got my proverbial panties in a bunch, you ask?

It’s quite simple.

I signed a contract on Monday night to compete at WWR’s Completely Deranged this Sunday. I did so knowingly and willingly, and I did so under the pretenses that I would be facing ‘The Extremely Lame Promo Delivery Girl” Tessa Martin. I was fine with that. If she wanted to sign her own death certificate by stepping into the ring with the greatest Women’s Champion in the history of DREAM, that was her decision and to be honest I almost respected it. But today, I take a look at the DREAM website and I see that I’ll be headlining the show (no surprise there) against none other than that Conan The Destroyer With A Cast Iron Tampon manager Dawn McGill she’s been parading around with the last few weeks. What the fuck? I’m sorry, but I’m fairly certain that when one signs a contract, that contract is legally binding. It isn’t my problem that Tessa Martin is currently curled up somewhere in the fetal position, trying to pass the tip of my boot like an unholy kidney stone, the fact of the matter is that she is contractually obligated to appear in the ring with me on Sunday night. I agreed to wrestle her, but I don’t seem to remember signing up to climb Mount Estrogen and face Janet Reno’s personal goddamn trainer.

This is a great example of why the Dream Wrestling Federation continues to shove its own head further into it’s own corporate ass.

Don’t color me coward, folks. Don’t get me wrong… I would have zero problem tickling McGill-Ah Gorilla’s unholiest of holes with my size eleven’s if the situation were different. This isn’t a matter of fear, intimidation, or discrimination against people with both male and female genitalia. This is a strict matter of principle, and I am by no means obligated to step into the ring this Sunday with Dawn McGill. I mean, if I were to cave in and let this little match take place this week, then what next? They could decide to drop my salary. They could fire me altogether. By wrestling this match, I would be consenting quietly to having the rights of all DWF’s top stars walked on despite tedious hours of contractual negotiation. I’m not doing this for me, ladies and gentlemen…

I’m doing it for America.

I’m doing it for capitalism. I’m doing it for democracy. I’m doing it to defend the rights that soldiers overseas are fighting so hard to protect as I write this. And so I ask the corporation that holds my contract right now… I ask the fans who will undoubtedly agree with me… and most of all, I ask the Jolly Pink Giant Dawn McGill herself… where is your patriotism? Where is your love for the great country of America? I love the stars and stripes too much to step into the ring against my contractual obligation this week, and I suggest that you see things my way. The Dream Wrestling Federation and Dawn McGill have twenty four hours to force Tessa Martin to compete this Sunday night, or else coerce her into doing the right thing and declaring me the winner by forfeit. Her blood may be on my hands, but I will not allow it to stain the dignity of the law. The match will be changed back. If not?

Then I’ll see your asses in court.

Dawn McGill Promo
You can complain all you want to. But Mike, the die’s been cast. The wheels set in motion. And there’s no stopping it now. Mike, you created this situation…you created the spectacle…I will be the one who finishes it. You are the moth…and I am the flame that you can’t avoid. You have no idea what you’re up against. But come Sunday night, you will.

Bring your little friends with you. I’m sure Level One and Jak Nemesis will want a ringside seat for this. I’m bringing some friends along too.

‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis. You may have heard of her. If not, ask Scottywood who was crazy enough to shoot him in the knees with a nail gun during a match.

Then there’s Valora Salinas- Wrestling Midwest’s Hardcore champion. Ask Adam Pyre about how she destroyed him at Hardcore Hell. Ask him how she Border Tossed him off the top of a cage and then moonsaulted on top of him.

Mike, Tessa Martin may be extreme…but these ladies are hardcore…and so am I. There will be no backing down, no quarter, or no surrender Sunday night.

Mike, I know why you’re trying to get out of this. I saw the fear in your eyes last night. I sense the internal battle that’s going on inside of you as we speak. But it’s too late.

You started this. And I’m going to finish it.

Suave: “It was three and half weeks ago that Miss USA and Kathryn Randall Collins met for the first time.  Miss USA was two weeks into her PCW career and KRC had just won the title back from ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin the month before.  

Replay: Miss USA vs. KRC © for the PCW Women’s Title- PCW Night of Champions 7/29
Collins pokes Miss USA in the eye with her thumb.  She rakes his fingers across Miss USA’s back.  Suave: “KRC looking for a slam…Miss USA blocks it.”  She bulldog’s KRC across the ring!  KRC gets right back up and bulldogs Miss USA.  She pulls Miss USA’s hair and tackles her.  Suave: “KRC landing lefts and rights on Miss USA.  KRC up to the second rope…drops the elbow.  Miss USA clutches her neck after that move.”  KRC pulls her up…lands a headscissors takeover on Miss USA and applies an arm wrench.  Suave: “Both women back up…KRC lariats Miss USA right back down.   I have never seen KRC this sharp…this focused before.  She’s taken her game to a different level tonight.”…

Suave: “McGill has PeaceNick up…she’s coming this way…that can’t be good.  Think I’ll move….”  McGill Awesome Bombs PeaceNick through the announcer’s table.  Crowd: “PCW…PCW…PCW!”

KRC lifts Miss USA up.  Airplane spin and then KRC dumps Miss USA onto the mat.  Suave: “The referee is back in the ring.  Cover.  One…two…MISS USA KICKS OUT!”  KRC drops the knee on Miss USA.  She measures Miss USA…and drops a closed fist.  KRC sets her up for her finisher.  Suave: “POLITICS OF PERSONAL DESTRUCTION!  SHE’S GOT IT LOCKED IN!”  KRC tightens the hold…Miss USA trys to escape but KRC has her smack dab in the middle of the ring.  McGill and Pelosi are having a major argument.  Miss USA taps out.   Suave: “KRC DOES IT!  SHE RETAINS!”

MATCH #6
MVW-PCW WOMEN’S TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH
Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion Miss USA
VS.
PCW Women’s Champion Kathryn Randall Collins

Charlene Ann:  “Our next match is a unification match for the Missouri Valley Wrestling Title.  Weighing in at 155 pounds from Chappaqua, New York and accompanied by Christa Carmondy and the Mean Girl Clique, she is the PCW Women’s Champion, Kathryn Randall Collins!”

The crowd stands and cheers.

*Music to Toby Keith’s “Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue” begins*

My daddy served in the army
Where he lost his right eye
But he flew a flag out in our yard
Until the day that he died
He wanted my mother, my brother, my sister and me
To grow up and live happy
In the land of the free.

The crowd explodes when Miss USA appears with her bodyguard/escort Dawn McGill.

Hey Uncle Sam
Put your name at the top of his list
And the statue of liberty
Started shakin her fist
And the eagle will fly
Man, its gonna be hell
When you hear mother freedom
Start ringin her bell
And it feels like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Brought to you courtesy of the red white and blue

Charlene Ann: “Her opponent weighs in at 117 pounds from Haines City, FL, she is the Missouri Valley Wrestling Champion, accompanied by her bodyguard Dawn McGill, Miss U-S-A!!!”

Suave: “THE CROWD IS ON THEIR FEET FOR THIS ONE.  MISS USA VERSUS KRC, ROUND 2.  ONE DIFFERENCE THIS TIME AROUND IS THAT KRC HAS CHRISTA CARMONDY AND THE MEAN GIRL CLIQUE IN HER CORNER TO COUNTER DAWN McGILL IN MISS USA’S.  WE’RE ABOUT READY TO START.” 

The bell rings.

KRC comes out with a kendo stick in hand, but Miss USA gets her hands on it immediately.  They wrestle for the kendo stick and both fall to the canvas.  KRC up first and hammers Miss USA with hard right hands.  KRC’s Irish whip is reversed and Miss USA tries a tilt-a-whirl.  KRC reverses it into a flying headscissors and faceplants Miss USA.  Miss USA gets pounded down again.  KRC goes up top for a high risk move.  McGill knocks her off.  Christa Carmondy begins to yell at the referee.  KRC comes back in and stomps Miss USA down in the corner.  Miss USA fires back with punches and fights her way out.  Suave: “Miss USA seems more comfortable and relaxed in the ring tonight then she did on July 29th.” 

KRC gets Irish whipped clear over the top rope.  Christa Carmondy and the Mean Girl Clique hit the ring and we get a fistfight in the ring.  McGill jumps in and double clotheslines Ashley and Vanessa.  Christa manages to clotheslines Miss USA out to the floor.  From there, KRC sends Miss USA over the barricade and KRC almost goes with her.  Battling it out in the crowd.  Miss USA and KRC trade punches.  Miss USA gets a slight advantage and regroups.  She goes back over the barricade. KRC starts to follow, but Miss USA stops her.  KRC hits a couple rights and sets Miss USA up for a vertical Suplex on the floor.  She hits it and Miss USA clears two rows of chairs on the floor. KRC puts the boots to the MVW Champion before the action begins to wander back towards the ring.   Suave: “UNBELIEVEABLE ACTION TO START!  KRC AND MISS USA NOW MAKING THEIR WAY BACK TO THE RING.”  

KRC sunset flips Miss USA.  Suave: “SUNSET FLIP.  ONE…TWO…MISS USA KICKS OUT!”  Miss USA goes for a backslide on KRC.   The referee slides back down…two count.  KRC sunset flips Miss USA again.  Another two count.  KRC clotheslines Miss USA.  KRC tries to clotheslines McGill.  Miss USA gets to her feet first and elbows KRC down.  Suave: “KRC back up…and walks right into a tornado DDT.  Miss USA covers.  One…two…kickout by KRC.  KRC pulls herself up…Reverse DDT by KRC!   She covers…one…two…NO!  2.9999999 on that one!”   KRC flips Miss USA and sets for a tombstone.   Miss USA blocks it.  She grabs a chair, but KRC dropkicks it in her face.  KRC covers…another two count.  KRC sets her up for the piledriver.  Suave: “SHE GOT IT!  KRC JUST PILEDRIVED MISS USA ON TOP OF THE CHAIR…COVER…ONE…TWO…McGILL IN THE RING AGAIN!”   Dawn nearly takes KRC’s head off and then continues on to blast Christa Carmondy off the ring apron.  KRC tries to capitalize on the confusion but winds up punching out the referee by accident.

KRC and Miss USA trade punches and an Irish whip sends KRC over the top rope.  Miss USA knocks her to the floor and heads outside, only to walk right into a crescent kick. Miss USA produces a ladder, but gets Irish whipped into it.  Miss USA drop toeholds KRC into the seat of a chair, then grabs the ladder and leans it the side of the ring.  KRC low-blows Miss USA before she can do anything, then suplexes her on the ladder for two.  Ashley and Vanessa double team Miss USA and send her head first into the ladder.  Suave: “She’s hurt.  The Mean Girl Clique got a freebie and they took advantage of it.”  McGill races around the ring and engages with Ashley and Vanessa.  KRC pulls Miss USA by the hair back to the ring.  She side headlocks Miss USA and sets her for a DDT.  Miss USA somehow manages to escape and sends KRC crashing into the corner.  She follows and chops the hell out of KRC.  Miss USA sets up a chair in the ring and hits spinning toehold, sending KRC’s forehead to the edge of the chair.  Suave: “KRC’s BUSTED OPEN!  MISS USA IS SHOWING A LOT OF MOXIE TONIGHT!”

Miss USA follows with a back suplex.  She then hits neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker after neckbreaker on KRC.  Suave: “SHE COVERS.  ONE…TWO…TH-NO!  KRC BARELY GOT THE SHOULDER UP!”  Miss USA grabs the ladder and launches it like a javelin at KRC.  She drops the ladder on KRC.  Suave: “ANOTHER COVER…ONE…TWO…NO-…KRC KICKS OUT!  MISS USA PULLS KRC UP!  DDT ON THE LADDER!”  Miss USA drags the ladder to the corner and places KRC lying up against it.   She goes to the opposite corner on the same side and climbs to the top turnbuckle.  Suave: “Oh…no…she’s not…”  She jumps.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  PATRIOT MISSILE FROM THE TOP ROPE ONTO THE LADDER!”  KRC’s out and slides to the floor.   Miss USA covers…Christa Carmondy storms into the ring…McGill climbs top rope and launches a flying clothesline that sends her reeling backwards. 

One…two…three.  Suave: “THAT’S IT!  HOLY CRAP…MISS USA WINS!  MISS USA IS NOW THE UNDISPUTED MISSOURI VALLEY WRESTLING CHAMPION!”  The crowd stands and gives both women a standing ovation.  Suave: “WHAT A MATCH!  WOW!”

Backstage
A. Kuluha Bacardi and several officials are right outside Mike Polowy’s locker room arguing with MPlow.  Polowy: “I want to know whether or not Tessa Martin is here.  If she’s not, I’m not wrestling!”  AKB: “Dude, you signed a contract.  We’ve advertised you versus McGill.”  Polowy: “That’s not my-”  Dawn McGill and Miss USA walk by after their match.  McGill stops  McGill: “Is Michell-er…Michael still complaining about having to wrestle little ol’ me?”  Polowy: “That’s Michael.  Once again, I’ve been disrespected by DWF and the promoters of this show.  I was never consulted with concerning Tessa Martin’s replacement due to her alleged injury and if this continues they’re going to have problems.”  Dawn pushes him away.  Suddenly, Polowy gets face to upper chest with her.  Dawn: “Alleged injury?”  Polowy: “Listen Bacardi, either you take care of this or there’ll be big problems.”   Dawn pushes him a second time.  Polowy: “You can’t be seriously trying to intimidate me.  Shaquille O’Neal would have a better chance making two free throws than intimidating me.”  Dawn: “Then prove it…Michael.”  She walks away.

Lora KirK Segment

With the ring cleared, Matthew Harwood’s “Closer to Home” hits over the sound system. Lora Kirk, a member of the DREAM roster, advances down to the ring, pausing briefly to wave or blow kisses to the fans. No one seems to recognize the husky-looking, blonde-haired girl in the white T-shirt and black sweat pants. Some cheer her entrance, others just instinctively boo at the unexpected interruption.

Lora slides through the ropes to the ring and raises a microphone to her lips.

“Hi! I’m Lora Kirk and I have some items to declare.”

Silence.

“First of all, that…”

Lora surveys the audience, an outstretched index finger following the path of her gaze.

“…That was some real women’s wrestling!”

The audience agrees with this sentiment. A big cheer goes up from the fans, showing their admiration for Kathryn Randall Collins and Miss USA’s performance.

“When you see this next match, keep in mind what you just saw unfold in this ring between Miss USA and Kathryn. Remember what real wrestling looks like… because, unfortunately, you’re about to be exposed to the very definition of poor women’s wrestling.”

Another mixed reaction from the fans.

“Now, this is no slight against Dawn McGill. I’m sure she’s just fine as a fighter.”

Some of the outraged segments of the crowd stifle their response at this clarification.

“No, the reason this match is going to stand in stark contrast to the match you just saw, the reason it’s going to suck, rests solely with Mike Polowy. He’s an idiot, a tool, a second-rate wrestler. He somehow managed to take the Women’s Championship for himself in DREAM.”

She makes a motion as if washing her hands clean of some stain before adding an aside.

“That was before my time.”

A pause.

“And ever since he has brought shame to DREAM. While other federations enjoy a competitive and high quality environment in their women’s divisions, DREAM’s female roster has, well, lacked a certain oomph. But that’s fine. I’ve arrived and I’m adding oomph to DREAM’s female scene. I’m going to provide a positive example to the rest of my locker room with the Women’s Championship around my waist. The other girls on the roster will rise to my challenge.”

She raises a finger and grins.

“But that will all happen in good time. For tonight, you get to watch Mike Polowy being humbled by Dawn McGill. And then, hopefully, you’ll follow me over to DREAM in a little while, maybe a week or two, to see me spank Mikey silly.”

The fans might not love Lora Kirk but they’ve already developed an intense dislike for Mike Polowy, in part because of these words they’ve just heard. A big cheer goes up as Lora slides out from the ring and Matthew Harwood’s “Closer to Home” signals her departure.

VIDEO PACKAGE: POLOWY VS. McGILL
REPLAY: DWF Sunday Night Slaughter- July 12th
Mike Polowy vs. Kelly Evans

[[He charges forward, running full speed and guns a-blazing as he stops just short of Kelly Evans, swinging his leg back in a horrific arc and making a connection to her lady parts at full strength. The crowd winces, as does Level One, as a victorious Michael Polowy delivers just about the hardest kick a woman has ever received in the vagina. Evens immediately slumps forward, falling out of the ropes, as Polowy stands laughing in delight. Immediately, EMTs rush the ring to help the poor, shattered woman crying on the mat, but MPlow pays no mind.))

——————

Tessa Martin Commentary
Tessa:
“Why was this necessary?  This had nothing to do with wrestling.  I don’t consider degrading a woman wrestler to be sport or entertainment.  Let’s call it like it is, Kelly Evans had NO business being in the same ring with Mike Polowy.  Kelly Evans is no Kirsta Lewis.  Kelly Evans is no Michelle Masters.  Kelly Evans is no Dawn McGill, one of my former compadres at PCW.  Lewis, Masters, and McGill can handle themselves in the ring with a man.  Evans clearly can’t.  What are the people booking DWF thinking?  This was ugly, gratiutious, and as a former woman wrestler, I’m simply sickened by what happened last night.  I’m appalled that it was allowed to happen.”]]

REPLAY: DWF Monday Night Slaughter- August 10th
“I give up, I give up!” MPlow mockingly whines, his voice filled with a false fear. “Come on Tessa, we’re all friends here… no reason to hurt the man who is responsible for your coming out of retirement.”

He takes a step backwards, gesturing towards Tessa as they exchange a banter that can’t be heard over the microphone.

“Besides,” He continues, with a wink. “I’m the welcome wagon around here when it comes to my division, Tessa. It’s great to see you here, in fact. Nice to see those legs not stuck behind a sports desk… nice to see you giving those tits a chance to get some air for once. I’m here to welcome you. You might not be my biggest fan, according to the last few episodes of EWTorchcenter I took a gander at, but I *am* the Women’s Champion around here, so you could at least show me a little respect.”

Before he can continue, Tessa rips the microphone from his hands, giving him a solid shove backwards that sends the crowd into a frenzy! Polowy looks shocked himself, being on the recieving end of some of the first female offense since his Women’s Title “victory”.

“Respect?” Ms. Martin begins, the crowd firmly behind her. “You wanna talk to me about respect, Mike? For the last several weeks, I’ve seen nothing but disrespect from you. You disrespect your opponents, you disrespect the women of the Dream Wrestling Federation, you disrespect it’s fans and you disrespect yourself. So please don’t talk to me about respect. And that title you’re wearing, so proudly? I wouldn’t go staying too attached to it, Mike.”

He scoffs, as the crowd in the background continues to cheer on The Pizza Delivery Girl. Not wanting to continue swapping microphones, he walks to the side of the ring and gets one from the timekeeper, snatching it quickly and tapping a few times to assure that it’s turned on.

“You think you know me, Tessa?” He begins, his voice suddenly growing much more hostile. It isn’t the cool, casual MPlow that the DREAM fans have grown accustomed to, but instead another glimpse into the Michael Polowy who ruthlessly assaulted Lady America just a few weeks ago. “You think you understand a god damned thing about me? You think you can just walk into DREAM after sitting behind a desk for the last few months and change me? YOU THINK YOU FU[BLEEP]ING KNOW ME ANYMORE, LISA?!”

He thrusts forward, arms first, shoving Tessa into the turnbuckle, but before he can continue the assault, he stops dead in his tracks. The look on his face much matches the one on Tessa’s, who does not look scared, but simply confused. The fans in attendance fall nearly silent, as the look on Polowy’s face quickly turns from shock to horror as he realizes what he just said.

REPLAY: Tuesday Night Insomnia- August 11th
Polowy: Last night, as I know everyone is aware, I had a confrontation with Tessa Martin at Slaughter which almost turned physical. She had been quite critical of the way I do things around here, and I took a situation that existed in my personal life and I let it get the best of me in the ring. So I’d like to apologize for almost snapping last night, and becoming physical with Ms. Martin.”

For the first time since his induction into the Dream Wrestling Federation, the arena begins a low cheer for the Women’s Champion. His face doesn’t seem to change much at first, but over a few seconds a warm smile comes over his face, as his eyes begin to well up with tears.

“You see,” he continues, the volume of his voice beginning to rise. “I apologize, because I held back. I wholeheartedly apologize to Tessa Martin for NOT destroying her personal personal pan pizza box with the stiffest hot and ready goddamn soccer kick! she’s ever felt in her life!”

The warm smile on his face quickly re-freezes, his icy demeanor showing its true colors with a sadistic sneer. The crowd boos even harder than they had before, duped by such a pathetic trick on the part of wrestling’s most notorious dilettante.

“As the DWF Women’s Champion,” he continues, ignoring the sudden turncoat from the fans. “I have a job to do. I have a responsibility… a duty to defend my championship and my honor from week to week, even if it means handing out laced up hysterectomies on every continent I step foot on. And last night, I denied my responsibility. I stood in the ring with two of the most disrespectful, ungrateful women ever to lace up a pair of boots and call themselves wrestlers, and I had a chance to deliver a little bit of judgment. But instead, I let a few memories from my childhood get in the way, and I didn’t do the job that needed to be done. But I assure you, Tessa and Dawn… and I assure you, fans of the DWF worldwide, that it will NEVER. Happen. Again. From this point forward, where I walk, there will be slaughter. Where I fight, there will be fear. And from this moment on, where there is Michael Polowy, there will be a kind of justice the women of this world will never forget. Husbands, lock up your wives… MPlow is back.”

REPLAY: Tuesday Night Insomnia August 11th

Dawn McGill and Tessa Martin, still basking over their win the night before, walk down to the ring and sit two of three open front row seats to watch the main event between Mike Polowy and Cody Brews.

A few seconds later, a third woman wearing a strapless red and blue dress and the Missouri Valley Wrestling title belt secured around her waist joins them. It takes a little while for the audience to put two and two together and figure out who she was.

Amy Martin aka former DWF Women’s Champion Miss USA looked markedly different than the last time the DWF audience saw her. Back then, her hair was colored with blue highlights and she wore a mask. Tonight, sans mask, her long, flowing hair was back to her natural blond.

She high fives McGill and Martin and takes her seat next to them.

REPLAY: DWF Monday Night Slaughter August 17th

The “Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl” Tessa Martin, Dawn McGill, and special guest ‘The Hellcat’ Kirsta Lewis stand in the ring.

tessa smiles and paces the ring. “I’m sure you all have heard the story about the little boy who cried wolf. Well, tonight you’re going to hear about the little man who cried respect. My father once told me that you don’t demand people’s respect; you earn it. To listen to Mike throw his little hissy fit last week and talk about how Dawn and I supposedly disrespected him and such, well, it’s a little pathetic.

“Mike, I do respect your wrestling ability. But that’s about it. Otherwise, you’ve done absolutely nothing to earn any ounce of respect from me. To quote a line from the movie ‘A Knight’s Tale’- you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found wanting. And now that the source of your bitterness, your anger is out there for the whole wide world to see, the reason that you justify holding a title that quite frankly is diminished every second that you hold on it, the reason you claim gives your the right to dole out your so-called ‘justice,’ is all because some girl dumped you when you were 19 years old?

“Mike, may I make a suggestion? Try calling Dr. Phil. Oh…and apologizing for not kicking my…how you say…personal personal pan pizza box? Right. Apology NOT accepted.”

Dawn asks for the microphone. “I’d like to add that the day that Tessa accepts your so-called apology for not kicking her in her personal pizza box is the day I apologize for kicking your testicles with my 4″ heels so hard that it looks like you’ve got two small little antennae sticking out your mouth afterwards…and I do mean small…little…antennae.”

The crowd goes “WHOOOOOOOOAAAAA.”

Dawn raises her eyebrows and grins. “And speaking of small, Mike. I was talking to some of the girls in the back and for all your bluster and big talk, apparently you just don’t measure up.” She bites her bottom lip mischievously and fights the urge to bust out laughing.

Lewis takes the microphone. “Well, then I guess the moral of the story here is…never send a…boy…to do a man’s job.”…

————————

…Lady America bends down and grabs tessa Martin, yanking her to her feet.

“America locks up with Martin.”

The crowd roars and fills with boo’s.

“What’s this? Mike Polowy, Womens Champion, si coming from the crowd! He slides into the ring, past Dawn McGill!”

Polowy yanks Martin from Lady America’s grip and turns her around.

“Quick boot to Tessa Martin’s ‘baby maker’!”

McGill slides in and rushes Polowy, who quickly exits the ring. Dawn chases after him up the ramp and towards the back…

——————–

…A few moments after Lora celebrates, her music fades and she exits the ring. Dawn McGill and Kirsta Lewis help Tessa back into the ring. The Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl winces with every step but she shoos the helping hands of McGill and Lewis and walks to the middle unaided.

“Mikey…is that the best you’ve got?”

Tessa bends over and puts her hands on her knees. Immediately, both McGill and Lewis reach out to help.

“I’m okay,”

Tessa says, talking slower than usual.

“Is that it, Mike? Really, I’ve been kicked harder by my younger brother. I’m still here, Mike. I’m still standing! I’m not going anywhere! It’s time…”

She pauses and closes her eyes tight. Tessa shakes her head and continues.

“It’s time for you to see just what they mean when they call me the EXTREME Pizza Delivery Girl.”

She pauses for a breath.

“Sunday night…the WWR is holding this little shindig they’re calling WWR Completely Deranged. Let’s give the people what they want, Mikey…you versus me in an extreme hardcore deathmatch…”

Tessa pauses and bends over in pain.

“…let’s do it, Mikey…everyone wants to see it…everyone wants to see me…kick……your….ass……”

The microphone drops and Tessa collapses. She’s unconscious before she hits the canvas.

REPLAY: DWF Tuesday Night Insomnia August 18th
Lady America places a duffel bag in her locker and then shuts the door. Placing her hands on the lockers, she begins to stretch out her legs.

The locker room door slams open and startles Lady America. Her left hand slips off the locker and she nearly falls. She turns around and see an angry Dawn McGill bearing down on her. McGill pushes Lady America hard into the locker and presses a Singapore cane against her throat.

“You were in on this with Polowy, weren’t you?”

Lady America winces. “In on what?”

McGill pushes harder. “You know, what. You held her long enough for him to get in the ring to kick Tessa Martin.”

“I swear, I didn’t know anything-”

Again, McGill increases the pressure on her. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I swear to God…I wasn’t involved…Amy?”

Amy Martin…aka…Miss USA…enters.

“Amy, I swear, ” Lady America pleads. “I-I had nothing to do with what happened to Tessa.”

Amy walks over to Dawn and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I believe her.”

Dawn continues to press the Singapore cane menacingly on Lady America’s throat. “You do?”

“I do.”

Finally, Dawn relents and pulls back. Lady America slides down the lockers and sits on the floor.

“Hey! What’s going on here?” Shaun XF appears at the entrance. He sees Amy Martin and his eyes widen. “And what the hell are YOU doing here.”

“She just saved your girlfriend’s life,” Dawn retorted.

Shaun XF sneered, “Ha. Both of you…get out before I remove you myself.”

Dawn let out a snicker and begins to walk towards the door. Amy turns and follows right behind. As she passes Shaun XF, he shoves her into a locker. Without batting an eye, Dawn whips around and backfists Shaun sending him reeling across the room into the wall. He lands with his back to the wall and his legs spread open. Dawn whirls around and cocks her 4″ stiletto shoed foot back…

“No.” Again Amy puts her arm on Dawn’s shoulder. “He’s not worth it. And it won’t get Tessa out of the hospital any sooner.”

Dawn smiles at Shaun XF. She walks away.

“Oh…and Shaun,” Amy says. “You-a…might want to change your pants before the match tonight.”

——————————–

Once again, Dawn McGill and a visiting Amy Martin aka Miss USA come out and take two of three open seats in the front row. Unlike last week, the mood is much less jovial as both women are mindful of the fact that Tessa Martin is still in the hospital.

McGill places a sign on the third seat.

The camera pans closer. The sign says ‘LISA’ on it.

——————————

MPlow rolls up off the mat, looking exhausted both physically and mentally. With hatred in his eyes, he stares out into the crowd, his gaze focused directly at Dawn McGill and her entourage. Miss USA and McGill chuckle smugly, gesturing toward the still empty chair labelled “Lisa” sitting next to them, but the smug grins slowly fade away as Polowy begins to stalk towards them, bailing out of the ring with a fury never seen in the Women’s Champion before.

He tears over the ropes and down to the floor, slamming his body into the guardrail with a sickening thud as he barrels over top of it, hopping the steel and making his way into the crowd. Not wanting to fight it out this early, Miss USA quickly ushers McGill away from the rampaging psychopath in their midst. Strangely, however, MPlow doesn’t make chase. Instead, he beelines for the chair set up, knocking away the placeholder bearing the name of the woman responsible for his recent inner angst. He snatches the chair off the floor, not even looking behind him as he swings away, knocking several other chairs over as he releases it towards the ring. The steel chair smashed into the ring post with a loud clang, sending cameramen and ring techs scampering away.

Polowy doesn’t appear to be done, as fans struggle to get out of the way of his rampage. He begins trashing the ringside, throwing chairs and having an all out tantrum, his face contorted with emotions never seen in front of a wrestling crowd before. He stumbles back towards the ring, tears welling up in his eyes as he falls forward, collapsing over the guardrail as he flips over it, falling nearly on his head as he slumps almost into a ball on the other side.

At the top of the ramp, Dawn McGill watches on, almost blank faced.

Polowy crawls himself toward the apron, pulling himself up as he drops his face onto the canvas. He turns slightly, looking up towards the scariest woman in the DWF. His face is a mess of half tears and broken blood vessels. At the top of the ramp, she simply looks back at him and smiles. She points towards him, and even without a microphone, her lips are easy to read.

“See you Sunday night, Mike.”

MPlow drops his head to the mat once again, as Jak Nemesis and the referee lean down to check on him. The show awkwardly moves to an unplanned commercial break as staff attempt to clean up the mess at ringside.

REPLAY: PCW on P-SPAN Wednesday Special August 19th
Just as McGill gets comfy in the outside, someone runs down the aisle.  Suave: “WAIT!  WHO THE HELL IS…THAT’S DREAM WRESTLING FEDERATION’S MIKE POLOWY!  WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING HERE?”  The crowd starts to boo and McGill doesn’t see him coming until it’s too late.  Polowy pushes McGill off the ring apron and she falls through a ringside table.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  POLOWY JUST PUT DAWN McGILL THROUGH A TABLE!”

Immediately, all action stops in the ring and Polowy realizes that Miss USA, Angel Scott, Angel Casey, Weathergirl Hallie, Kathryn Randall Collins, Kalee  Jones- The Eskimo Queen, and the ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas are all staring daggers right through him.  Polowy wisely turns and sprints right back up the aisle with Scott, Casey, Hallie, KRC, Jones, and Dallas in hot pursuit.

WWR Completely Deranged- Part Two

Suave: “We are back at WWR Completely Deranged and getting set for the PCW Title match.  This will be a four way elimination match.  The only way PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama can lose the title is by being pinned or forced to submit.  He does have an out if he gets himself DQ’d.  Now, how did we get here?

Replay: PCW Night of Champions- 7/29/09
Lights dim and then come back up.  Omnious music plays.  Suave: “Oh, oh.  Be careful what you wish for guys.”  Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il come out and slowly walk to the ring.  Suave: “IT’S THE AXIS OF EVIL!”  Khalid El and Kang climb into the ring.  Suave: “It looks like we’re going to have a match.”  No referee yet, though.  Both teams jaw back and forth at each other.

Lights dim again.  Suave: “NOW WHAT?”  They come back up and 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela, President Hugo Chavez, and his translater are in the ring behind the Schetts.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  LOOK AT HIM!”  Chavez speaks.  Translater: “We don’t have anything against you.  We know you oppose American Imperalism.  But.  You’re in wrong place at wrong time.”  Venezuela clotheslines both Schetts in one swift powerful motion.  Khalid El and Kang start kicking away.  The crowd is up in arms.  Debris starts flowing in from the floor.  Horst Schett in the ring.  Venezuela grabs him by the throat, lifts him effortlessly and slams him down through a ringside table.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”  The Schetts are overwhelmed by the sheer force of the Axis of Evil.  Ahmadinejad grabs a microphone.  Ahmadinejad: “Your CEO Barack Obama is weak.  Your champion, O’Beck Bahama, is weak.  You pathetic Americans are weak.”  More boos.  People flip him off.  Ahmadinejad: “After tonight, we make great effort to take PCW Title and take it back to our homeland.  Enjoy it while you can.”  More boos follow.  Suave: “The last couple weeks, the PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama has seemed vunerable.  Tonight, he faces a dangerous opponent in Quad R- The Right Reverend Randy Richardson.  And if the Axis of Evil is in the mix, things just got even more dangerous for the PCW Champion.”

Replay: PCW Night of Champions- 7/29/09
“What is he up to?” Suave inquires. Again, we find out quickly. The lights turn on and Bahama gets a very unpleasant surprise.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  It’s the Axis of Evil! It’s a trap! It’s a freakin’ TRAP!”

Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il with 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez are waiting.  Venezuela wraps his arm in barbed wire and punches Bahama.  He immediately comes up bleeding from the forehead.  Venezuela rubs the barbed wire into Bahama’s forehead.  Fatima pulls out a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire and hands it to Khalid-El.  Khalid-El legdrops the barbed wire baseball bat across Bahama’s crotch.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  I don’t even want to try to describe that…”

Off to the side, it appears the Right Reverend Randy Richardson is having reservations about helping Bahama.  Suddenly the lights in the room go out. “WHAT THE-” is all Suave can say before the light comes quickly back on and the opening bars to the Fleetwood Mac classic “Don’t Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)” start to play. A man in a flannel shirt wielding a Singapore cane and a mocha stands in the room along with Justin Sufferable, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido, and Starz N. Stripes.

Suave:  “IT’S HIM!  IT’S THE TREE HUGGIN’, MOCHA CHUGGIN’, TOBACCO COMPANY BUGGIN’, INSANE EXTREME SINGAPORE CANE SWINGING ALPHA MALE! THE EXTREME ENVIROMENTAL HARDCORE ICON- AL GORE!” As the crowd in the main room sings “Don’t stop, thinking about tomorrow,” Gore holds up his mocha, inside an environmentally friendly biodegradable container of course, and chugs it down. Then he spews it out of his mouth into the shocked faces of both Khalid-El and Venezuela.  Then Gore crushes the paper container on his forehead in a manly fashion. 

Suave: “IT’S A STAND OFF!  ONCE AGAIN, THE PCW CHAMPION  GETS LAID OUT AND NOW THE AXIS OF EVIL IS HERE IN PCW!  WE WILL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK!”

Replay: Tape Recording from Axis of Evil from 8/6/09
Khalid El, Byung-Hyung Kang, Fatima, and Soon Ye with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong-Il with 6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela and President Hugo Chavez are standing in front of a white wall.  Venezuela holds the perennial damsel in distress Gina Ramsey who’s bound and gagged and not very happy.  Jong-Il talks through a translator.  Jong-Il: “The matter here is simple.  The Axis of Evil demands a title shot for one of their wrestlers against the weak American stooge holding the title.  Only then will we return the girl.”  Suave: “The Axis of Evil is trying to leverage a deal for a title shot!  Who will we turn to?  Who will step up to save the day???”

Replay: End of Bahama vs. Quad R  match from 8/6/09
C
linton: “Ladies and gentlemen, I, William Jefferson Clinton, have brokered a deal for the release of PCW Special Correspondent Gina Ramsey with the Axis of Evil.  On August 23rd, we will hold a special event and Khalid-El will get his chance at the PCW Title against O’Beck Bahama.”  Quad R is incensed.  Quad R: “This is bull@#$#!  I’m getting screwed out of MY match for what should be MY title.”  Clinton: “Fine, we’ll make it a three-way dance.”  Nancy Pelosi’s voice: “WAIT A MINUTE!  WAAAAAAAIT A MINUTE!”  Pelosi walks out with Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism and the Skanky Rich Bimbos.  Pelosi: “Bill, I appreciate your efforts here in all.  But any match that gets made includes Stone Chism.”  Clinton: “Fine, make it a four-way.  Do we have a deal?”  Kim Jong-Il nods. 

MATCH #4
PCW TITLE MATCH- 4 WAY ELIMINATION MATCH
O’Beck Bahama © w/ ‘Not just unbearable, not just intolerable, he is’ Justin Sufferable
VS.
Khalid El w/the Axis of Evil
VS.
Quad R-The Right Rev. Randy Richardson w/the God Squad
VS.
’Hollywood A-Lister’ Stone Chism w/the Skanky Rich Bimbos: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie

Suave: “We are going to find out real fast what’s up with the PCW Champion.  Is he in a malaise?  Has he not worked hard enough?  We’ll find out shortly.”  The bell rings.

Bahama runs out and delivers punches and couple of elbows.  Quad R goes outside.   Chism climbs the top rope.  Bahama moves out of the way when the Hollywood A-Lister tries a dive.  Bahama goes outside and hits some chops on Quad R.  Khalid El rumbles in behind the champion and whips him into the rail shoulder-first.  Suave: “Bahama has to watch out for the big guy.”  Khalid El slaps him in the face.   Chism applies an armbar to Quad R.  He steps on Richardson’s head for extra pressure.  Chism switches it up by going after the legs.  He lands kicks and follows with an elbow drop.  Chism gets a modified half Boston crab and puts all his weight on Quad R’s back. Quad R breaks the hold by raking Chism’s eyes. Khalid El keeps going after Bahama.  Clubbing rights by Khalid El drives the champion into the corner.   He wrenches Bahama’s arm back into a hammerlock.  Suave: “Khalid El showing good ring presence of mind right now.  He changes up into a wristlock.  He’s working the arm, holding it up in a wristlock and stomping it back down to the mat.”  Khalid El moves to the legs and applies a leglock. 

Quad R crawls back into the ring.  He tries to fight from his feet, gets a few elbows in but Chism knocks him back down with an elbow to the back of the head.  Quad R runs into a boot and tries to go up top.  Chism blocks and counters with a neckbreaker.  Quad R gets to his feet.  Chism charges and hits a pair of cannonballs in the corner.  Suave: “Chism with the cover…no, Quad R up at two.”  So Chism stomps on him some more.  The Hollywood A-Lister connects on an enzugiri and hits a Stunner!  Again, Quad R kicks out at two.  Quad R fights out of a second kick/knee attempt and gets a schoolboy for two.

Khalid El switches to an omoplata, hammerlock style. He grabs the other wrist and bends it back before putting his leg over it. Again, Bahama resorts to kicks in order to get out. Khalid El hits a leg kick and grabs the arm again.  An aggressive arm wringer pulls Bahama to the mat.  Khalid El lands a knee drop to the arm and rolls Bahama to his stomach.  Cover.  One…two…shoulder up.  The champion escapes and tries a drop toehold but eats a kick to the face.  Khalid El hits a back elbow and sets Bahama up top.   Bahama slips out and hits a dropkick.  Suave: “Khalid El goes to the floor.  WATCH OUT!”  Bahama hits a tope con hilo and then follows with a moonsault off the barricade. Crowd: “HOLY S#$#!…HOLY S#$#!” 

Quad R confers with Rev. Robertson, Rev. Warren, and Rev. Falwell Jr.  Chism slingshots himself over the top rope and takes out all four.  Chism drags Quad R over to the barricade.  Chism guillotine leg drops him across the steel barricade.  Quad R slumps to the floor.  Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”  Chism walks Quad R over to the Skanky Rich Bimbos- Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie.  Paris and Nicole whip open their tops in front of Quad R.  Suave: “WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!  God, I never get tired of that move.”  Chism lifts Quad R up…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER!  What’s left of Quad R is rolled back into the ring.  Chism covers.  One…two…three. 

Eliminated: Quad R- The Right Reverend Randy Richardson 

Khalid El picks up both Hilton and Richie and choke slams them to the canvas.  Suave: “Now, things are picking up.  Bahama on the top rope.  Suave: HOLY CRAP!” O’Beck wastes no time in climbing the top rope and splashing Chism on the floor. Crowd: “PCW…PCW!”  Chism pulls himself of the wreckage but Bahama follows up with an Irish whip into the steel guardrail. Bahama grabs a chair and waffles Chism with it. Chism slumps to the ground. Bahama climbs the ring steps. Suave: “MISSILE DROP KICK FROM THE STEPS! CHISM CAUGHT IT FLUSH ON HIS JAW AND HE IS DAZED!” Khalid El grabs Bahama from behind. Choke slam to the floor!  Suave: “Bahama took that one to the floor.  He’s holding his back.  Chism drags himself up to the top rope.”  Chism leaps and superkicks Khalid El from the top rope!  Khalid El falls backwards and hits the floor hard.  Justin Sufferable tries to urge Bahama on.  Bahama, still favoring the back, grabs another steel folding chair and pastes Khalid El in the face with it.  Chism rushes in, Bahama gets him in a side headlock.  Suave: “DDT ON THE CHAIR! CHISM IN BIG, BIG TROUBLE.” Bahama drags Chism back into the ring and goes for the win.  Suave: “1…2…NO!”  Bahama goes for another cover. Suave: “NO! CHISM KICKS OUT AGAIN!”

Bahama up to the corner turnbuckle.  Suave: “Is he setting up for the 450 Splash?  NO!  KHALID EL JUST PUSHED HIM OFF AND BAHAMA JUST WENT THROUGH A TABLE!”  Bahama lays within the wreckage of the bell table.  It looks like his head may have hit the ring bell.  Suave: “BAHAMA’S OUT!  CHISM UP…KHALID EL HAS HIM BY THE THROAT!  The SRB latch on to each of Khalid El’s legs and try to pull him down.  Suave: “HILTON AND RICHIE ARE TRYING TO PULLS THE BIG GUY OFF…THEY DON’T SEE….OH NO!”  6 foot 10, 350 pound Fernando Venezuela grabs Hilton and Richie by the throat and clanks their heads together, knocking both out.  Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claps his hands.  Venezuela and Khalid El grab Chism by the throat.  Suave: “DOUBLE CHOKE SLAM ON THE WAY!”  Rahm Emanuel, Starz N. Stripes and ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido run down.  Suave: “IT’S RAHM EMANUEL!  F-BOMB TO KHALID EL!  STARZ AND ESCONDIDO WORK ON VENEZUELA!”  Emanuel points at Ahmadinejad and Kim Jong Il.  Chism covers Khalid El.  Suave: “ONE!  TWO!  THREE!”

Eliminated: Khalid El

Suave: “RAHM EMANUEL DROPPED AN F-BOMB ON KHALID EL AND ALLOWS HOLLYWOOD A-LISTER STONE CHISM TO GET THE WIN!  AND NOW, HE’S GOING OVER TO BAHAMA!  HE’S STILL NOT MOVING.  COVER.  ONE!  TWO!  THREE!  THAT’S IT!  WE’VE GOT A NEW PCW CHAMPION!”  The crowd roars as Chism celebrates with the Skanky Rich Bimbos.

Charlene Ann: “THE WINNER AND *NEW* PCW CHAMPION- STONE…CHISM!”

Suave: “IN HIS SECOND MATCH IN PCW, STONE CHISM EMERGES AS THE NEW PCW CHAMPION!”  Nurse Nellie and the PCW Clean Up Crew attend to Bahama.  Suave: “WHILE THEY ATTEND TO O’BECK BAHAMA, LET ME REMIND YOU THAT WWR’S COMPLETELY DERANGED IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY…”



Doozer Segment
An enormous pop from the crowd fills the entire arena as Doozer and The Dude are shown entering backstage. The Red Sox hat sits frontwards on Doozer’s head tonight. It’s never frontward. His Superman T-shirt can always be relied on to never change, though. The Dude looks a bit different, too. A Phillies hat for him tonight; not sure how Doozer feels about that.

“I don’t know if you can be my friend anymore.”

Well that pretty much sums it up.

“Is this some kind of mental test? Trying to see how far you can push me? First it was last week with the Mr. Cool T-shirt.”

“Took care of it!”

The Dude pipes up and points to his T-shirt. Mr. Cooler.

“It came to me last night; total double meaning.”

“What’s the second meaning?”

“Mr. Cooler… A cooler… Beers… I drink a lot of beers.”

“You don’t even drink beers. I drink beers. You only take shots once in a while and sip bitch drinks.”

“Oh so you think you’re Mr. Cooler, now? That it? You want the T-shirt?… Jealous little…”

Doozer puts his hand up in The Dude’s face. His manager knows if he doesn’t stop, that hand will turn into a fist and it won’t stop in front of his face.

“Not even the point, anyway. When I’m at an event, to wrestle, and you’re with me… Well, you’re supposed to be MY manager! Not some Cancer Jiles nut-rider. I don’t even see what you like about that asshole. He’d probly spit on you if you ever asked for an autograph, you know.”

“That’s only ‘cause he’s way too cool to give me an autograph.”

It’s difficult for Doozer not to deck Dude, this time. Somehow he restrains.

“Don’t you get it, you moron? One of the young guns in this match is Cancer’s boyfriend, T-Willy.”

Finally The Dude begins to understand. The ‘uh oh, I messed up’ look on his face indicates so. Doozer continues,

“Yeah, and you wearing these T-shirts and that stupid hat, which I’m only guessing relates to Jiles somehow, too…”

The Dude nods, ashamed. Doozer rips it off his manager’s head and throws it to the ground.

“They book me in a match against three babies… I have to constantly babysit my own god damn manager… I’m a friggen wrestler!”

The ranting Dream star looks over to his manager, who is red faced and sulky.

“I’m sorry, bro… Just some jitters before the match, ya know?”

The Dude half nods, half shakes his head… Still pouting like a child.

“Hey, it’s cool. We’re cool. You’re…” Doozer struggles to say this next part, “…Cooler…”

A muffled laugh leaks from the manager who’s still trying to be upset.

“You know what time it is, right Dude?”

“Time to go down to the match and face those three guys and hope that their youth doesn’t overcome your experience so you can get them into situations that you can pull off your finisher so you can pin them one by one and try and win…”

“I was gonna say it was time to Dooze and Abuse… But um… Yeah, okay…”

Doozer pats his manager’s back. While fading out, he’s seen reaching into his pocket and pulling out some cash. He hands it over to The Dude.

“Buy some candy from one of the booths or somethin’.”

“COOOOL!”

MATCH #5
DWF YOUNG GUNS PLUS ONE MATCH
Travis Williams
VS.
T-Money
VS.
Cody Brews
VS.
Doozer

T-Money in the ring already.

Doozer emerges from the entranceway as bold voice blares through the arena, singing “When you walked, through the door, it was clear to me… You’re the one they adore, who they came to see…” as a remixed version of Eminem’s ‘We Made You’ plays through the sound system. The pop from the crowd quickly swamps the words of the song as Doozer stops at the top of the ramp. Above him, the words “The Man” flash across the mega-screen as the fans scream, “The Man!”. Then, even louder, they bellow, “The Myth!” right as the screen reads so. Lastly, “The Legend” echoes through the arena when those pair replace the last on screen.

Doozer, smiling at his fans all around the arena, nods his head under that trademark, official Boston cap he always wears backwards. Elbows at each side, he bends his arms up so his hands come up on both sides of the Superman logo on his t-shirt. Looking like a basketball star after scoring a clutch basket, he pinches his Superman t-shirt and pulls it out from his body, showing off the logo. As he emphatically lets go of the shirt red, blue and gold fireworks blast off the ramp to his sides. The fans start,

“DOO-ZER. DOO-ZER.DOO-ZER”

The wrestling star struts down to the ring, swerving between both sides of the ramp to catch the hands of his fans. He encircles the entire ring, connecting with as many hands as he can. Doozer then rolls into the ring and is quickly up to his feet. He climbs one of the turnbuckles. He pinches his shirts again, showing the Superman logo to his fans who pop back with a huge cheer. He jumps off and walks to the turnbuckle diagonal to him. He does the same to another large pop from the crowd. 

*The fans in attendance rise to their feet as “You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid” by The Offspring begins to emanate from the public announce system speakers. White and green strobe lights flash at the top of the entrance ramp as ‘Kid Danger’ Cody Brews steps from behind the curtain. He lifts his hands for only a moment before sprinting towards ringside and sliding under the bottom ring rope. After rolling to one knee and pointing down at the ring, he stands ready to fight. 

*As the sounds of Sixx AM’s “Courtesy Call” slams into the arena, the lights come back partly as the man of man personas known only as Travis Williams, The Dark Shadows, walks out on top of the stage. The crowd tosses mix reactions towards the veteran of the sport, as he stands perfectly in the center of the aisle away from the fans’ fingertips.

This Is Just A Courtesy Call
This Is Just Matter of Policy
This Is Just An Act of Kindness
To Let You Know That
YOUR TIME IS UP!”

Travis walks down with his arms beside him, elbow to his palms out in front of him with his palms open facing towards the air. He walks to the ring, where he stands for a second. He looks around the arena, and grabs the middle rope and steps up on to the apron. He wipes his feet on the apron, and then steps between the top and middle ropes. He enters the ring and walks over to a corner awaiting the opening bell, never blinking.   Suave: “He’s just a scary looking person.  All right, this match feature three of DWF’s up and coming wrestlers and Doozer, who’s a DWF legend.”

The bell sounds.

Suave: “Williams and Brews.  T-Money and Doozer lock up.  Doozer shoulder blocks T-Money.  Williams and Brews battle in the corner.   T-Money gets knocked down again by another Doozer shoulder block.  Brews & T-Money team up to whip Doozer from barricade to barricade and back again.”   Williams hits a trash can top to T-Money’s face for good measure.  Williams and Doozer put the boots to him.  Brews suplexes Williams on top of Doozer for two. T-Money legdrops Doozer for another two. Slingshot legdrop by Brews gets two. Suave: “Fast paced action to start.  Wide open match so far.”

Air Brews in the corner on T-Money.  Suave: “ANOTHER COVER!  T-MONEY…ONE…TWO…NO!  CODY BREWS KICKS OUT.”   Doozer splashes Brews.  He covers.  Two count.  T-Money turns on Williams with the aid of a chair.  Williams gives him a German suplex for a receipt, then baseball slides him out to the floor.  Williams takes T-Money out with the chair.  Williams clears the top rope AND the barricade with a splash on Brews.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  WILLIAMS JUST BENT BREWS OVER THAT BARRICADE!”  Williams back inside with a springboard bodypress on T-Money.  Cover.  One…two…T-Money kicks out.  Williams goes to the floor and T-Money follows.  Suave: “T-Money from the top rope…Asai moonsault!”  Williams knocked down, recovers, and flings T-Money into the barricade.  Doozer goes on the offensive with a suplex on Brews.  Doozer covers…two count.  Doozer sets up two chairs in the ring.  Williams and Doozer nail a tandem neckbreaker on Brews, dropping his back across the set-up.  Doozer covers…another two count.  T-Money takes out Doozer with a chair.  He tries to do the same to Williams.  Williams no-sells it, takes the chair, and knocks him out.  T-Money tries to take out Williams’s knee with a chairshot and tries to injure it with a stepover   Doozer actually makes the save.

Neckbreaker by Doozer on T-Money  Piledriver by Doozer on Brews gets two.  Williams walks away from the mayhem and returns with a big chunk of barricade.  He throws it into the ring.  Williams gets the barricade up in the corner.  Brews gets lobbed into the barricade a few times for two. Williams drapes the barricade over Brews and leg drops it to get a two-count.  Williams puts the boots to Brews and Doozer suddenly clotheslines both men down. Belly-to-belly on Williams, belly-to-belly on T-Money. Sleeper slapped on by Doozer on T-Money.  Williams sneaks up and applies a sleeper on T-Money, which causes him to let go of Doozer.  Brews looks ready to finish somebody off.   Cancer Jiles runs in and blasts Brews from behind with a steel folding chair.  Suave: “Jiles lifts Brews…TERMINAL CANCER!”  Williams and Doozer both roll on top of Brews for the pin and the elimination.

Eliminated: Cody Brews

Doozer puts T-Money back in the sleeper hold

The referee holds T-Money’s arm up.  It falls back down.

(…1)

He repeats the process…it falls back down again.

(…2)

The ref again pulls T-Money’s arm up.  It flops back down.  He’s out.

(….3)

The referee waves out T-Money.

Eliminated: T-Money 

Travis calls for a microphone, as Doozer looks at him with a strange look on his face. Travis puts up his hand signaling for Doozer to give him the chance to talk.

Travis Williams: “For a week or two D, I’ve made you an offer to join up with myself and Cancer, to eliminate Level-One and his group of thugs. You think it is a bad idea, but I can ensure you this…It would be great choice. Two will eliminate three, and one will not eliminate three either.”

Travis wipes the sweat off his forehead, smearing some of his make-up as well.

Travis Williams: “So, in show of good faith. And to prove to you D, that you won’t be committing career suicide…I am going to walk out of this match and give you a victory. After I do this D, I am going to be expecting a visit from you before the night is up. The ball is in your court.”

Travis tosses the microphone down on the canvas in front of Doozer, and walks over to the ropes. He stops, and looks back at Doozer, still confused in the ring, before stepping through the ropes and hopping to the floor from the apron. Travis heads up the aisle heading to the back.

The referee starts counting Williams out.  .  The referee reaches ten and waves out Williams.

Eliminated: Travis Williams

Suave: “IT’S GOING TO BE DOOZER WITH THE WIN!  AND NOW HE LOOKS OFF IN THE DISTANCE TO SEE WHERE TRAVIS WILLIAMS WENT.”

WWR Completely Deranged- Part One

Wednesday Wrestling Rag “Completely Deranged”
Sunday August 23, 2009
Anderson Arena
Bowling Green, OH
Host: A. Kuluha Bacardi
Announcer: Johnny Suave

AKB: “We are live from Anderson Arena.  Welcome to the first ever Wednesday Wrestling Rag live event- WWR Completely Deranged.  I’m A. Kuluha Bacardi and this gentleman next to me needs no introduction.  The voice of PCW…JOHNNY…SUAVE!”  Crowd: “JOHNNY SUAVE!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)  JOHNNY SUAVE!  (clap, clap clap-clap-clap)”  Suave: “I see we have a few PCW fans here tonight.  Tessa Martin, the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ was supposed to be here tonight as well but as you all know, she was seriously injured Monday night at Dream Wrestling Federation’s Slaughter show.  The good news is that she’s okay.  The better news is that she was released from the hospital earlier today and is on her way home.  We miss you Tess and I hope to see you soon.  Now, onto tonight’s festivities.  We’ve got a seven match card for you tonight including a PCW title match, a PCW Tag Team title match, a unification match of PCW Women’s title and the Missouri Valley Wrestling title, DWF has a match showcasing it’s young and upcoming talent and one involving three top contenders for the DWF Title.  And then the big one.  The Six Foot Tall Demolition Machine in a Short Skirt Dawn McGill versus MPlow, Mike Effect, Michael Polowy in a hardcore grudge deathmatch.  Let’s get to it.”

MATCH #1 PCW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
“No Frills” Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes ©
VS.
Jack Schett and Bull Schett with Horst Schett and Hans Gruber-the Extreme German Schnauzer
Suave: Bull climbs back to his feet. Starz knocks Bull into the corner.  They’ve got a table set up over there!  He’s got him in a side headlock and taking Bull up the turnbuckle.  No!  Oh, no…*THUD*  HOLY CRAP!  INVERTED DDT THROUGH THE TABLE!”  Starz lies on top of Bull in the rubble of the table.  Suave: “That should do it!  Starz up…somehow.   Corkscrew legdrop on Bull!  He’d better pin him while he has…too late.”  The Extreme German Schnauzer Hans Gruber, Horst Schett run to his side of the ring.  Gruber bites Starz.  Suave: “OW!  THE DOG JUST BIT STARZ IN THE LEG.  STARZ SENT FOR A RIDE BY HORST AND HITS THE SIDE OF THE RING.   NOW WHAT IS HORST DOING?  HE’S SETTING UP A TABLE, THAT’S WHAT!”  Horst drags Starz over and goes to suplex him.   Suave: “HE’S GOING FOR THE SUPLEX…BUT HERE COMES ESCONDIDO!”  ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido races over and whips Horst into the steel barricade.  Starz gets back in the ring.  He tags Escondido in.  Suave: “ESCONDIDO BACK IN.  RUNNING KNEE TO BULL!”  Bull gets back up long enough for Escondido to follow with a power slam.  Jack Schett jumps in the ring and he’s got a brick.  Suave: “JACK’S IN THE RING!  HE’S GOT ONE OF THE SCHETT BRICKS.”  Escondido suddenly snaps off a spinning back kick that breaks the brick into small pieces.  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HERE COME STARZ!…DDT!   HE JUST SPIKED JACK SCHETT WITH AN EVENFLOW DDT!  NOW STARZ IS UP TOP!”  He flies and splashes Bull.   Suave: “BULL GETS NAILED BY THE SHOOTING STAR JUMP.  ESCONDIDO COVERS.  ONE.  TWO.  THREE!”

Charlene Ann Beckworth: “The winners of this match, in eleven minutes and twenty two seconds, and still PCW Tag Team Title champions, ‘No Frills’ Chris Escondido and Starz N. Stripes!”

Suave: “GREAT OPENING MATCH!  THE PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS SUCCESSFULLY DEFEND THEIR TITLES HERE AT WWR COMPLETELY DERANGED.”

 —————————————-

O’Beck Bahama Promo
PCW Champion Bahama, along with ‘Not Just Intolerable…Not Just Unbearable…I Am…’  Justin Sufferable, try to dispel the myth that Bahama’s heart just isn’t into wrestling. 

“No one questioned my heart as I pulled myself up, rung by rung, step by step, to a level to challenge for the PCW Title.  No one questioned my heart the night I defeated Starz N. Stripes at PCW Extreme Election Night 2008 for the PCW Title.  No one has defeated me since…”

———————————————-

MATCH #2
MVW TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH
Angels of Death: Angel Casey and Angel Scott ©
VS.
The Vatican Vice Squad: Sister Mary Marlboro and Sister Sandy Scarboro w/Mother Superior Sister Susan
… Sister Sandy wants Casey back in the ring, but it’s Angel Scott who’ll do the dirty work.  Scott puts Sister Sandy in the Octopus.  Sister Mary shoots in and  boots her in the face.  Suave: “SISTER MARY MAKES THE SAVE!  NOW ANGEL CASEY GOING UP TOP.” Casey lays out perfectly wipes out both nuns with a somersault dive. Scott pulls Sister Sandy out of the pile and powerbombs her.   Suave: “SCOTT COVERS!  NO!  SISTER SANDY KICKED OUT AT TWO.”  Angel Casey tags in and hits a crossbody on Sister Sandy.  She covers.  Two count.  Scott in the ring.  They set up for the Death Spiral Drop.  Sister Sandy starts kicking up a storm.  Sister Mary takes a chair from Sister Susan and runs in.  *CLANG*  Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  SHE NEVER SAW THAT COMING.”  Sister Mary tags in.  Suave: “DOUBLE STOMP ON CASEY! ONE, TWO, THRE-NO!  ANGEL SCOTT DIVES IN A THE LAST POSSIBLE SECOND TO MAKE THE SAVE.”  Sister Mary and Sister Sandy set Scott up for the Doomsday Bulldog.  Casey runs to the ropes and climbs up top.  She hits a missile dropkick right into Sister Sandy’s knee! Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  That was a missile dropkick to the knee. Angel Casey has Sister Sandy stunned.  She hooks the leg…and turns her over…TEXAS CLOVERLEAF!  SHE’S GOT IT IN GOOD, TOO!”  Sister Sandy taps out to the Texas Cloverleaf at 17:24.

Charlene Ann: “The WINNERS and STILL MVW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, ANGELS…OF…DEATH!”

Suave: “Two matches down.  Five to go.

————————————————

Hollywood A-Lister Stone Chism Promo
Chism, flanked by the Skanky Rich Bimbos Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, once again proclaims that PCW Champion O’Beck Bahama is ‘ordinary’ while he, Chism, is a star. 

“What PCW needs is an actual star on top.  Someone that ordinary joe’s can look up to.  Something that ordinary wrestlers can aspire to be like.  Maybe someone like…me.”

————————

MATCH #3
DWF CONTENDER’S MATCH
Owen Manton
VS.
Pierce
VS.
Jak Nemesis

Suave: “We’re just about ready for the match to begin.  But, there’s something wrong with Manton.”  Manton seems unfocused…as if he doesn’t want to be there.  The bell rings and Pierce and Nemesis lock up.  Manton turns around and starts back to the locker room.  Suave: “The match just began but Owen Manton is leaving!  He has not been right ever since the Myles Jake incident.  And you can’t blame him if he’s been affected that much by Jake’s death and the subsequent criminal investigation that eventually cleared Manton of any guilt.  The loss to Polowy and Nemesis at Glory.  The losses since then.   You know, Owen Manton needs to get away and get his head back together.  The referee just counted him out of the match so Manton is eliminated…”

Suave: “Nemesis with a shot to the groin and that seems to have taken some of the starch out of Pierce.  He’s got him set…Jakplex!”  Nemesis hits a jawbreaker on Pierce and he’s about ready to go.  Suave: “Nemesis setting up for his finisher…Euthanasia!  Got it!  The referee counts it …1 …2 …3.  That’s it!  Jak Nemesis comes out on top of Pierce and Owen Manton here WWR Completely Deranged. 

——————————————–

Travis Williams Promo
“Once everything is gone…You realize what you had to lose exactly! It’s not the theory of not fighting for it hard enough. It’s not the idea of not realizing how valuable it was. Nowhere close to that. It’s about having something ripped from your body that you needed to live. You could have taken a lung or a kidney, and I would not be in this much pain. You never realize how important it is to have two of them until you have just one or none at all!”

The broken man stands alone on his balcony. A tear slowly rolling down his cheekbone. His eyes are glassy and bloodshot. From a night of crying, smoking, and hard drinking. The confident that use to shine from the worldly known superstar has gone into hiding. All that stands before us…Is the shell of a man who is down and out!

“You come into my personal life to inflict pain. You did not happen to stumble in, and make the mistake of causing this pain. You made the decision to come into the scene and cause havoc. I did not take this from the ring to the living room. However, when you hear the knock on your door…You had better believe its going to be an extremely pissed off Travis Williams, looking to extract some amount of revenge. Live with that fear! I’m not running my mouth to have something to do. I wrestle and smoke, I think I may need to reserve my breath in the long run!”

He shakes his head, and attempts to hide the other tears that are coming on. Turning his head. He looks out across the breezy nighttime New York City skyline. Slowly taking in deep breaths and exhaling them with the greatest ease. You can hear him mumble, ‘1…2…3’ as he lets go of the carbon monoxide from his lungs.

“I guess the words before were not strong enough…I GUESS MY HATRED WAS NOT SHOWN ENOUGH! I am really having a hard time understanding it. I can’t quite put the pieces of this puzzle together. The picture is not matching up the way it should. I’m not the worst guy you could piss off. I’m not exactly the guy that would give your local senior citizen a heart attack if we came face to face. However, I am not sweet puppy that you can slap on the nose and expect me not to bite. I don’t care if your hand is the one that feeds or just the one that beats. When that tiger was pushed to his limited…The beautiful creature became what most sees him as. A BEAST! Everything and everyone has the ability to be the softhearted beloved thing you care the most about. They also have the ability to be the deadliest thing to ever grace the planet Earth! When you push someone over that edge…Expect to fall with them! You fucked me first. Now bend over…YOU’RE ABOUT TO BECOME MY PERSONAL BITCH!”

He grabs the golden brown bottle of scotch from the glass table on his balcony, and scans it with his eyes before opening the bottle. He places it to his lips and pauses.

“With this bottle…I turn my back on everything I have become. With one more drink…There is no return. The man I have kept hiding deep within for all these years is going to become the man before you all. I’ve made men suffer for smaller crimes. I have tormented men for pleasure and smeared their blood for amusement only. Three men stepped into my world and took from me something they could never replace. You are the reason a father cries tonight. I would say you had balls, but truth is…You all lack the knowledge needed to understand how drastic measures I will go through in order to make my mark noticeable again.

Two of three…You are forced to play in hell with the devil himself. LOOK INTO MY EYES! I am not cracking jokes! I am fucking serious! I will make your lives miserable, and your families miss you. Do you really want that? When you opted to side with some suit and tie who knew no better. You placed yourself in the hairlines of my scope. I could watch you look around stupid all day. It’s so relaxing. However, pulling that trigger is my ultimate goal. Don’t attempt to pin point my location. I can take you down from five-hundred yards away…HEADSHOT!”

Travis turns the bottle up…His throat showing the soothing motion of the liquid courage being deposited into his liver. After a few seconds, he turns the bottle back to it’s normal position. With a disturbed look on his face, he wipes his lips with his arm. Shaking his head and keeping his mouth open, he sucks in a shit load of fresh air. Attempting to put out the fire from his liquid courage.

“Completely Deranged…I will not be held responsible for the actions I will seek in pleasure. I kept him down. I made sure he would never show again. However. I never banked on someone being dumb enough to drag the sleeping bastard out of bed. I never saw someone waking him UP!

You may escape this event with your life. You may escape the next year with it…I’m not like you. I’m mentally ill, and I am not afraid to admit that! While you tell me when and what you are going to do, I am going to make you keep guessing. I like playing the mental game. My mind works in wonderful ways…I know how to drive a man crazy and never lay a finger on him. I’ve made men cry at the sight of their own shadows. I’ve made men become what they feared the most. I’ve also made men bow at my presence. Why? That is who I truly am. I am reality…I am your nightmare when you are not even asleep!”

Travis downs another swallow from his bottle of scotch, before tossing the bottle over his balcony. As the glass shatters echoes up to the top floor of the building…Travis has made his exit unnoticed!

T-Money Promo
[Scene opens; T-Money is walking through a parking garage. The garage is half full, or half empty in some people case, well lit up on both sides sit security guard shacks. T-Money continues walking as he reaches in his pockets and pulls out his keys. He hits the unlock button and the lights flash on his vehicle. T-Money approaches the black Chevy Camaro and opens up the driver side door. He slams the door and starts the engine, he rips on the gas a couple of times, slams in reverse, and heads towards the exit.

Scene switches; Inside his car, “Stay Wide Awake” by Eminem, blares over the radio. He drives under a few signs to say entering E Wooster St., he arrives at the exit and hurries out in front of a couple of vehicles, as the driver’s horn in disapprovement. T-Money keeps driving, jamming out to his music. The music suddenly stops and a phone ringing is heard. T-Money pushes a couple of buttons and you can hear someone on through the speakers.]

Voice – “Money you there? Money?”

T-Money – “Yeah? Can you hear me?”

Voice – “Now I can! What’s going on dude? Long time since I’ve talked to you.”

[T-Money looks in the driver side mirror and switches lanes. He hurries past cars and then swaps back into his lane.]

T-Money – “Nothing much…who is this again?”

Voice – “Are you serious? Dude, you don’t recongize my voice?”

T-Money – “Trevor? What the hell dude? How have you been?”

Trevor – “Good, bro! Just been kicking it, you know hanging out. How about yourself?”

T-Money – “Hell! Just got back into that wrestling thing I’ve always done, took a few years off but you know how that goes.”

Trevor – “Tell me about it. Remember when we used to wrestle together as “The Riot?” Man those were the days, huh?”

[T-Money smiles and laughes as he suddenly presses his brakes and comes to a skreeching stop.]

T-Money – “You remember that time you went to jump off the ladder right before you leaped the ladder broke and you fell into the front row?” Money chuckles, “sure was so fun times! So how you been doing? Better yet, what the f**k you been up too?”

Trevor – “Nothing much man, I actually just graduated college about three months ago.”

T-Money – “What? I didn’t even know you decided to go back. Congradulations! What’d you go for?”

Trevor – “I was going to be a football coach, but then decided to switch it up to personal trainer. So now I work with different people and personally train them.” Trevor laughs as T-Money does the same. “So where you living now?”

T-Money – “Still in Louisiana. Well now we are touring so I’m in and out of hotel rooms, but no big deal. I just bought a house about three months ago and just have got settled in. We actually did a show in Houma a month or so ago and it was the first time that I was able to sleep at the house. So you finally went through with the personal trainer deal, that’s awesome. I just lost my trainer.”

Trevor – “Really? You looking for someone to help you out?”

[T-Money pauses for a minute as he swerves in and out of traffic.]

T-Money – “Possiblly. It would all depend on if they are willing to travel with me and abide by my rigorous schedule. You know how it is on the road, but now image it ten times more chaotic.”

Trevor – “I can about imagine.”

T-Money – “How’d you get my car phone number?”

Trevor – “You know me, bro. I have my ways.” Trevor laughs, “you don’t remember calling me a few of months back and telling me you bought that new car? Well you left a message telling me your new cell phone number, pager number, and car phone number.”

[T-Money tries to think, but can’t recall anything. Must have been when he was in his drug stage, right before he got clean and back into the ring.]

Trevor – “You sounded pretty messed up.”

T-Money – “I must have been, because I don’t remember calling you at all.” He laughs and quickly gets back to conversation. “So where you been hiding out all this time?”

Trevor – “Still moving around from place to place, trying to finally get my feet underneath me. It’s hard though man, things just don’t always go as planned.”

T-Money – “Tell me about it!”

Trevor – “When did you sign on with Dream, bro? I’ve always watched Dream, even back when Doozer and Mike Extreme would go at it, some of the best matches you’ve ever seen!”

[T-Money pauses for a second as Trevor mentions Doozer. Just hearing his name makes T-Money’s hair stand on end. Sure he was good in the old DWF, but time’s have changed and his time has come to pass.]

T-Money – “Been a couple of months, I guess. I really couldn’t tell you exactly, ever since I signed on I have been on the road. Shit bro, I forgot to tell you. I got the main event at the last pick pay per view event.”

Trevor – “Your kidding? Never would have I thought little ol’ Tyler Johnson would be headlining a pay per view! I actually watch it dude! One hell of a match too. That was the only match that I saw of yours till last night when I watch y’all new show, Insomnia.”

T-Money – “What’d you think about it?”

Trevor – “F**king awesome, bro! I usually would miss Slaughter because I would train a client Sunday night, but then they moved it to Monday, which I was so siked about, then added a new show. I forgot it was on last night and I was thumbing through the channels when I seen it. I put it on and I was like what the f**k, that’s Tyler! I kept watching and I watched you whipped that poor Brews fella and was like I got to call him.”

[T-Money continues to race through traffic, the other cars look as if they are sitting still.]

T-Money – “He is a little punk. I seen quite a few people pass on him in the past weeks!”

Trevor – “I was just looking on the Dream website and it was saying you are in Ohio this week fighting the WWR event?”

T-Money – “Yes sir! Another walk in the park! The best thing is that I have already faced all two of the three guys and one of them is just a show off.”

Trevor – “So you think you got ’em?”

[T-Money almost doesn’t even answer the question. Of course he has got them! Remember what the old man said he repeats to himself. He knows his has to push forward and taking this fued with Doozer and this step for his career will do nothing but bring bigger rewards.]

T-Money – “Hell yeah I got ’em! You said yourself you saw what I did to poor ol’ Brews. He, Brews, is about a fraction more worthy than Travis Williams. Now Doozer, well he is plain f**king retarded! A grown ass man that has the thoughts of a seven year old child!”

Trevor – “Man, Doozer used to rule Dream! His most memorable fued was with The Big Shot, no one could forgot that, classic!”

T-Money – “Well I’m after Doozer’s sissy ass! I ain’t got nuttin for him. I’m telling you it’s going to be me and him the last two and I’m coming out swinging, I just hope he’s ready.”

Trevor – “Man, that show is going to be a classic.”

T-Money – “Classic won’t even describe it. Whenever this show ends the whole wrestling community will know my name. All I ever hear about is this washed up old timer’s and this low card jobbers who get main event status, plum f**kin ridiculous!”

Trevor – “Politics my brother, politics. Always will have a role in everything we do, no matter how good or had bad, always politics.”

T-Money – “You know it! Just like this Level-One character. He has been the champ for oh some time now, right. Well everyone trips about him like he is just the greatest ever, but he ain’t! I know people that would destroy him, hell I f**kin had him before I tried to take it too far.”

Trevor – “You have to admit though, no one has brought him down yet so, something has to be going right.”

T-Money – “I tell you what it is. It’s management always booking him against the underachievers, who aren’t worth the soul of my shoe. I have watched this so called champion, fight against the weakest of the weak and of course he is going to win.”

Trevor – “Well Doozer sure couldn’t beat him either and Doozer is a beast man, I know you don’t like him, but man if you only knew how awesome he was in his prime.”

T-Money – “Doozer lost because I was there to make sure he lost. Even if I would have thought that he was going to get close to winning I would have stomped him out, but instead all I had to do is just let him see my face and that was enough. It drove the old bastard straight into a defeat. As far as those other two go, there isn’t a strand of hair on my body that couldn’t win against them.”

Trevor – “You haven’t changed a bit, huh? Always full of confidence. That’s what I like about you, always on top of your game!”

T-Money – “Gotta be man. These crazy ass people will drive someone to suicide if you don’t have your mind right.”

Trevor – “Well look bro, I’m going to have to be going, go to start getting ready for my clients tomorrow. Good luck though bro, I wish I was there to get it out!”

T-Money – “Thanks man. I was just born lucky bro, no need for it now!”

WWR Match of the Night: LoC Title Match- Hart (c) vs. Ranken

Shawn Jessica Hart (c) vs. Oliver Ranken
Legacy of Champions Title Match
Friday August 21st

“The next contest is one fall with no time limit…”

Keith Kane could barely speak from the night’s excitement, “Can you believe it Stoner, everything that’s happened here tonight and we still have a main event left!”

“That’s what makes us the Legacy of Champions,” Tony bragged still with his vocal depth. “Tonight I think Shawn Jessica Hart might have just inked his name to dropping his title, Oliver Rank’n is a man possessed.”

“Possessed?” Keith questioned, “please he’s cursed and tonight SJH, PhD is gonna expose him as a second rate wrestler!”

Camera nine panned the sold out Arena of Champions. Across the screen danced the various signs held proudly by the LoC enthusiasts. We flipped over to camera five which was as usual focused on the arena entrance. The LegacyTron prematurely popped the Union Jack with R.A.N.K.E.N. bulleted across it in Old English lettering. The music flipped on suddenly with the plucking of the guitar strings before…

Burn? You wanna burn… Let’s Ride
Burn? You wanna burn… Let’s Ride

The spooky whisper of Stray took over the public address and announced the arrival of The Manchester Mauler. The red and blue lights flickered and spun about rapidly, this also drove the level of enthusiasm roaring out of the fans, “YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!”

“These people really have taken to Oliver Rank’n.” observed the impressed Tony Stone.

The black curtain parted and out from behind emerged Ranken with a half sized Union Jack draped covering his head, shoulders and most of his torso. Rodney kept pace at two steps behind the challenger as he paused for the expected cheer at the start of the ramp. The red and blue swirled with a white spotlight focused in tightly on Ranken when he out from under the towel.

“YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!” the fans erupted and started chanting for the challenger, “RANK’N… RANK’N!”

With the people firmly in tow Ranken started down the rampway. He didn’t slap hands, it wasn’t his style, if his eyes connected with yours though you could see the intensity… the drive, the determination. When he reached the ring instead of wiping his feet and entering the ring, Ranken walked down the steps and around the ring. Fans tapped on him, congratulated him, some cussed him but all appreciated Ranken for his brief stint in LoC.

This walk around the ring was his way to return that appreciation. Rodney stayed behind in Ranken’s corner allowing him the honour of taking this lap around on his own. Whether or not be belonged in there for the Legacy title, tonight The Manchester Mauler was receiving his opportunity to become Legacy Champion.

“Well if this just ain’t some big God Save the Queen parade.” complained Kane. “No real American wants to see that Union Jack waving around our arenas!”

“Personally I love the international flavor of LoC,” Tony countered with his opinion, “in fact I think our international competitors on right there on the verge of running this place before anyone thinks possible.”

“So you’re predicting Rank’n will beat our champion?” the exacerbated Keith Kane gasped. “Really Stoner? Rank’n over The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister. I just don’t know what to say to that.”

“I predict it’ll be a great match…” Tony chuckled, “and I don’t think that’s going out on a limb.”

As the back and forth of the hired hype men wrapped up so did Ranken’s stroll. The fans applauded his show of respect as he wiped his feet on the ring apron just before stepping through the middle and top ropes. The Mauler held true to form and walked over into his corner. Rodney Castle hopped up on the ring apron and took the Union Jack off the shoulders of the challenger. The official gave him the once over and signaled him clean.

“Introducing the challenger… He comes to us tonight from across the Atlantic… from the tough as nails town of Manchester, England.. he stands five feet nine inches tall and tips the scales at two hundred and sixty-nine pounds. With a LoC record of zero wins and two losses I introduce to you Olllliiiver RANK’N!!”

“RANK’N… RANK’N!” the arena echoed.

After taking a moment to acknowledge the chants, Ranken settled into one of the ring’s corners. Suddenly, the Arena of Champions went pitch black. In the darkness, some of the fans began to cheer, but many more were jeering-

They knew who was coming out next.

The music hit; the booing quickly became universal.

A modern-day warrior.. Mean, mean stride- Today’s Tom Sawyer.. Mean, mean pride

The Legacy’s Ring Rose, FELICIA HART stepped through the curtain and stopped atop the ramp. She was dressed to the nines; glimmering and glowing in her silver-studded gown, but if the look on her face was any indication, the most OUTRAGEOUS was yet to come.

Though his mind is not for rent, Dont put him down as arrogant. His reserve – a quiiiet defense, Riding out the days events. THEEE RIV-AAAAHH!!

Felicia continued part of the way down the ramp, then turned and directed the audience’s attention back to the entryway.

The music was picking up, the fans were on their feet, and Legacy Champion SHAWN JESSICA HART was coming through the curtain atop a BABY ELEPHANT!!

And what you say about his company.. Is what you say about society!! Catch the mist, catch the myth- Catch the mystery, catch the drift!

Wielding a BURRITO in one hand, no doubt a reminder of his promise to LoC fans, and his title belt in the other, the Phenom jigged and bobbed about as the elephant marched down the ramp. The cat calls and hissing echoed throughout the Arena, but Felicia was proudly applauding her big bro from inside the ring. Meanwhile, Oliver Ranken wore a weird expression that was probably two parts contempt and one part awe.

As the elephant reached the ring ropes, Hart’s man-servant Tiny emerged from the crowd, stepped to the elephant’s side, then got down on all fours to form a human foot stool for his master. In the ring, Felicia had obtained a microphone and was pushing it against her lips.

“And his opponent….”

SJH stepped onto Tiny’s back, then hopped onto the floor.

“From ORLANDO, FLORIDA…”

Despite the overwhelming disapproval, a few of the fans couldn’t help but pop for one of their hometown heroes.

“He is the New Era HEAVYWEIGHT Chaaampiooooon…”

SJH slid through the ropes and climbed one of the turnbuckles. In the background, his music continued to BLARE and the stage was ablaze with pyrotechnics.

“He is your LEGACY Chaaampiooooon…”

While Hart posed and postured atop the turnbuckle, Tiny shook his hips and thrusted his pelvis in the ring.

“He is the CHAMPION of aaaaaaaaaaall EARTH… and the HEAVYWEIGHT Chaaampiooooon of the UNIVERSE!!”

The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister hopped off of the top rope and marched towards the turnbuckle on the opposite side. As he stormed across the ring, he gave Ranken the EVIL EYE!

“He is…………. SHAAAAAAAAWN……. JESSSSSSSSSSICA……. BUBBLES……. HART!!!”

Fireworks EXPLODED around the stage and up into the rafters. Hart raised his arms victoriously while the fans’ frenzy reached a fever pitch. The stage was set for a match-up of EPIC proportions!

“Can you believe Shawn Jessica Hart?” questioned Stone, “He’s offered burritos to the section that cheers the loudest when he kicks out…”

“Brilliant!” popped Kane. “As Be Te would say, gotta keep those monkeys happy.”

“The sad thing is, he probably would say that…” Tony paused sighed and finished, “and he’d mean it.”

DING, dinnnnGGG

Tiny and Felicia took SJH’s corner across from Rodney Castle. Both competitors met in the center of the ring with a collar and elbow tie up. Ranken dropped his rear end and started muscling the champion back into the closest neutral corner. The referee jumped in calling for a clean break which he promptly received. Hart smiled and wiped his hands a couple of times.

Again the titans clash in another collar and elbow, Ranken dropped his rear end again looking for the leverage to work Hart back into the very same corner. Hart in an attempt to counter got his feet on the bottom turnbuckle. Ranken tried to crush Hart like an accordion, but SJh managed to get his feet to the middle rope. Using his leg power Shawn managed to push the stockier Englishman back some, Ranken thinking quickly broke the hold and let Hart fall to the canvas.

The fans exploded, “YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!”

“Well played,” Tony laughed, “Ranken showed some of that ring sense he has right there.”

“Bullcrap!” Keith grunted, “that man has no business being in that ring! He ain’t won a damn match!”

That shot off a light bulb for Stone, “Wouldn’t it be something if his first win in LoC was for the Legacy title?!”

“It’d set our title back five years! It’d be a damned disgrace Stoner plain and simple!” the red faced Kane argued.

With Hart face down on the canvas Ranken dropped down and slapped on a front face lock. The champion’s legs started shaking frantically, seeing her brother in that position Felicia ran over beside the referee and screamed, “Get him off my brother”

The official demanded she return herself to their corner. As they argued SJH scrambled to his knees. Ranken, to maintain the hold went to his knees, Hart shot off a low forearm. The Mauler fell back dropping the hold. SJH popped to his feet to the chorus of boos from the fans. Shawn didn’t pass up his chance for a moment. The champion fell back into the ropes, as Ranken got back to all fours Hart charged in and dropped an over head elbow.

The impact dropped Ranken to his face. The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister rolled the challenger over and covered. Ranken’s left arm shot off the canvas before the referee could get in position. Hart closed his fist and delivered a shot to the side of Oliver’s head. Ranken winced, the second shot saw the same effect. Hart popped back to his feet. Wanting to inflict greater damage Hart looked to the heavens.

“Shawn Hart is ascending to the top ropes,” observed Tony Stone.

He scurried up the ropes quickly coming to perch on the top. With camera 3 shooting as close to directly under him as possible SJH looked like a giant. The champion threw his arms up over his head, following a little hip wiggle he launched into the sky. El Hombre Magnifico brought his elbow to a sharp point and crashed down on the chest of The Manchester Mauler. The fans gasped and again SJH looked for a pinfall.

The referee slid across the ring into position, “ONE! TWO! T… KICKOUT!”

Tony announced, “That’s another kick out for the challenger!”

“No burritos for them, ha!” Kane laughed out loud.

Ranken’s kickout upset SJH a little. In haste he pulled the Mauler back to his feet and rested him in the closest corner. The Phenom reared back and unleashed a series of his sharp knife edge chops.

SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

Ranken’s chest was bright red, he tried to cover up when the second series of chops followed. None made a perfect landing, what they did accomplish was to piss off the challenger more so than normal. Ranken grabbed SJH around the waist and leaped around him. Once his back was facing the center of the ring the Mauler popped his hips and launched the champion across the ring.

“Releasing Belly to belly Superiorplex!” popped Stone.

“NO!” Kane argued, “Creig is the master of the Superiorplex now!”

“Kiss my ass he is!” demanded the usually passive Stone.

Ranken scampered to all fours and charged across the ring like a dog. On approaching SJH he slammed his tough forehead into that of the champion. A second headbutt, then a third Hart rolled quickly under the bottom ropes nearest to Tiny and Felicia. Their presence didn’t hamper Ranken pursuit for ever a second. He rolled under the bottom ropes and the seek and destroy was back on. On the floor Ranken’s ire remained focused on his opponent and he connected with a series of hard stomps into the kidney region.

SJH tried to scramble behind Tiny who was looking on disapprovingly. The champion grabbed the much larger man’s foot as he was being pulled back by the angry challenger. Tiny attempted to strike Ranken, but his size made throwing a snapping blow impossible. Ranken ducked and locked the bodyguard in a reverse waistlock. Oliver demonstrated his power when he picked up the mountain of flesh and farts he powered up. SJH was laying in wait, once Tiny was in the air Shawn swept the back of Ranken’s leg.

SQUASH

“Ranken just went where no man ever wanted to go!” Kane laughed.

Tony defended, “And that is exactly what every person that faces Hart has to contend with!”

Tiny crashed down on the chest of Ranken and there was nothing he could do. The official slid out of the ring and demanded that Tiny remove his ample posterior from Ranken’s chest. SJH ran over and grabbed Tiny by both hands. Everytime the large man would manage to lift his butt off Ranken, he’d lose his balance and fall back. He did it again, and again, and again then finally he rolled off the side.

Proud as a Peacock Hart was of his challenger’s condition, he flaunted his most annoying strut around the helpless Ranken. He did another hip jiggle for the already incensed front row fans, “BoooooooOOOOOOO!!”

Ranken finally moved, he rolled over to his knees and elbows and tried to catch his breath. The champion grabbed him by the back of the head and the seat of his singlet and tossed Ranken back in the ring under the bottom ropes. Hart followed him in and popped to his feet. His hips jiggled again to the disgust of the male fans and hidden desire of the females. El Hombre Magnifico carefully stalked his fallen challenger, Ranken climbed to his feet. Hart shot looking to land a Superkick. Just barely in the corner of his eye The Mauler caught sight of what was coming.

“DUCKED!” Stone popped, “and countered!”

The missed Superkick left the champion exposed to being caught in a Trapping Suplex. With Ranken’s skill in the suplexs that is exactly what happened. Hart’s face was astonished, shocked… caught completely off guard.

“This should be illegal!” Kane countered, “no one should be allowed to manhandle the champion like that!”

“TRAPPING SUPERIORPLEX!” Tony gleefully cheered.

SLAM

Ranken scrambled over and hooked the far leg. The official slid into position and started the count, “ONE! TWO! SHOULDER’S UP!”

The fans cheered loudly, “YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!”

“It’s deafening in here!” Stone exclaimed.

Kane confidently replied, “That shows you in this economy just how many people want some free burritos!”

“You mean cause they’re willing to cheer for the champ?” questioned the play by play announcer.

“No,” answered Kane, “I mean cause their willing to eat burritos! You know how I feel about Mexicans!”

“Unfortunately,” Tony sighed.

“I hate them almost as much as I hate Luchadores!” Kane garbled disgustedly.

In the ring Ranken led the champion into the nearest corner. Hart was on Dream Street, or atleast still reeling from that vicious suplex. Ranken landed a forearm shiver to the side of Hart’s head. The shot stung Hart, but didn’t have a lasting effect. Ranken shot the champion across the ring and he slammed back into the corner. The vibrations echoed through the arena causing the fans to erupt in cheers. Hart laid back clutching to the ropes.

Slowly Ranken stalked towards The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister. The usually miserable Englishman smiled that big scowling grin of his as he popped his knuckles. Sure Hart was the Legacy Champion and that carried some clout with some, not Ranken. He looked at champions like bait… he knew they were easily cast out when the next better thing appears. By the look on his face he intended to be that thing.

“I have to admit… right now I’m a little concerned for Hart in there…” Tony confessed.

Keith Kane scoffed back, “Please you need to be worried about Ranken, Stoner. Hart’s the champion… he’s built for this stuff.”

Ranken’s hands grasped the champion by the head. Hart shot back with a right hand that had very little force. The challenger ate it. The smile on his face widened when he scooped Hart off his feet. In the tradition of the great power men of the past Ranken walked The Muff Daddy around the ring. The fans cheered him as he backed into the closest corner. The Mauler walked out of the corner with two giant steps then leapt into the air.

SLAM

“The Oklahoma Powerslam,” called Stone.

Ranken hooked the leg, however he did land only inches from the ropes. The referee slid into position, just out of position from seeing anything other than Shawn’s shoulders. Felicia took advantage of that by shoving her claws in Ranken’s eyes and gouging them violently. Ranken popped up from the pin just as the ref’s hand landed for one.

Tony Stone was beside himself, “Three on one! This is NOT how that title is supposed to be defended?”

“What with half a brain?” Kane countered a little more than snidely, “cause that’s what I see someone with half a brain and some family loyalty!”

“Please the only thing Shawn Jessica Hart is loyal to is Shawn Jessica Hart,” corrected Stoner.

Slowly SJH returned to his feet with Felicia urging him on. Ranken remained under the ropes covering the gouged eye. Once the champion realized his current situation he developed a Cheshire Cat grin. The fans didn’t like it one bit and they let him know it. The challenger finally managed to roll away from the ropes, instead of looking for the kill The Muff Daddy dropped down and slapped on a reverse chinlock. After only a couple of seconds Hart demanded, “Check him ref, CHECK HIM!”

Once the official was concentrating on Ranken, El Hombre Magnifico threw his feet over the nearby middle rope. Ranken kicked, the pressure from the chinlock amplified by ten.

“Come on ref!” exclaimed Tony Stone before complaining, “this is exactly why championship matches should have TWO officials.”

Kane’s pannies jumbled up in a bunch, “Wha… wha… Whaddya mean we need two officials?! That’s DOUBLE the payroll for the match, DOUBLE!”

“Thank you Mister Accountant.” Tony chuckled.

Back in the ring, Hart remained a step ahead of the appointed official. The past two times he’d looked up Hart would just beat him dropping his feet. While weary of the rope’s shaking he had no reason to break the hold. The fans weren’t too happy about that either. Again the referee dropped down to check on Ranken. Shawn went to the well again working his left then right foot back on the middle rope.

“GOTCHA,” popped the official pointing at Hart’s feet. “Break the hold!”

Still holding on tightly Shawn pled his case, “I have poor circulation!”

“Let it go,” demanded the referee again as he tossed up his hand, “One… Two… Three… Come on Hart let it go!”

Shawn kept the neck crimped over making it hard to draw a full breath or even get blood flow to the brain. The referee continued, “One! Two! Three! Four!”

“It’s about time!” griped the upset Tony Stone as Hart’s feet finally fell from the rope.

The champion wasn’t at a loss for his own praise when he popped to his feet and pranced around the ring. This again drew the ire of the less than sympathetic LoC fans, “BoooooooOOOOOOO!!”

Hart proceeded on. He wasn’t influenced by the masses’ opinion of him. Right now he was perched right on top of the world… and no one was knocking him off. Ranken was slowly scraping back to all fours, he showed the wear of being locked in that chinlock for nearly four minutes. The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister waltzed over to his challenger and abruptly put the boots to him. Ranken absorbed the first couple of shots, the third knocked him back to the mat.

The champion jumped over Ranken and shot into the ropes, off the rebound he jumped the challenger again. This rebound he tucked down into a rolling front flip. When he popped up he launched himself into the air, he then crashed down across Ranken’s back with a body splash.

“Now that’s an athlete there Stoner!” bragged Keith Kane.

Stoner added, “Which is what makes it soo disheartening that he cheats like he does. He just doesn’t need to!”

The champion quickly returned to his feet and again taunted the fans. He stood almost centered directly on the middle rope and called for their applause. “BoooooooOOOOOOO,” he didn’t get it.

The prone challenger rolled around on the canvas sucking for air. Not getting the reaction he demanded from the fans Hart returned his attention to The Mauler. He quickly shot a stinging boot into the left shoulder, then followed it up with an exposed knee. Hart grabbed Ranken’s wrist and jerked back. Ranken yelled out, “Arghhh!”

Stone offered his insight, “Who would have expected to see Shawn Hart out wrestling Oliver Ranken?”

“I would and did Stoner. Check the tape, I know I said Hart would take Ranken out behind the tool shed tonight!” countered the braggadocios Keith Kane. “This ain’t Hart’s first rodeo!”

From a fan’s perspective this was boring wrestling. The application of his knee to Ranken’s shoulder while yanking back with a top wristlock, it was nothing fancy but very effective. The hold also offered another desirable effect Ranken was also carrying the champion’s weight making each breath drawn a trying exercise. The Englishman reached out for the bottom rope. It was just out of his reach. He stretched and stretched, still his fingers barely scraped the ropes.

Seeing the pain become more and more noticeable on Ranken’s face the official asked him to which he replied, “FOCK YOU!”

“I think Ranken just said in no uncertain terms, No,” Tony sounded off.

The Legacy Champion kept the pressure on, Felicia stood in Ranken’s face screaming, “You’re Not Good Enough!”

The ringside fans let her have it with boos and a brief, “She’s a Gutter Slut clap clap clapclapclap.

The chant further angered her brother who jumped up to scream back at his sister’s defense, “You take that back!”

With a ferocious scowl on his face Hart stalked his challenger. He’d started the assault on the left arm, his preferred target for the Fujiware Armbar. The Mauler managed the strength to climb back to all fours; he was hunched over taking in air when Hart stomped down on his opponent’s shoulder. Instead of slapping on another wear down hold he pulled the dazed Englishman to his feet. Ever the fighter Ranken threw a right hand with little on it.

SLAP

Tony popped,“Superkick by the champion!”

Hart struck quickly with his right boot under the challenger’s chin. Ranken slammed back into the canvas flat on his back. El Hombre Magnifico quickly positioned himself with his back into the corner. Hart proceeded to hop to the second rope, he measured and jumped off connecting with a elbow to the top of Ranken’s forehead. Hart reached back and hooked the leg.

The official slid into position, “ONE! TWO! THR… SHOULDER’S UP!”

Hart falls off Ranken looking distraught. He was mouthing, “That should have done it.”

The show of resilience sparked a chant from the friends, “RANK’N RANK’N RANK’N!”

They echoed through the packed Arena of Champions, Rodney urged for Ranken to return to his feet. The Englishman dug deep and threw his arm over the nearby bottom rope. With every fiber of his being he reached out for the middle rope and found it. Ranken was again making his move to get his feet back under him. Hart was already on his feet, when Ranken managed to toss that left arm over the top rope Hart charged in. He jumped over the top rope and grabbed a hold of Ranken’s wrist. He snapped that shoulder down almost separating it on the rope cable.

“Brilliant!” cheered Kane.

Tony countered, “That was a very effective counter.”

“Where’s the pop? Where’s the excitement?” questioned Keith Kane.

“I… um, I…” Tony stuttered.

Hart grabbed Ranken by the ankles and jerked him under the bottom rope. The challenger fell unceremoniously to the hard floor. Again Hart couldn’t help but to taunt the local fans by slapping his backside. “Put it there jackhole!”

“This doesn’t bode well for the challenger,” Tony explained.

The Legacy Champion grabbed the steel guardrail and yanked it closer to Ranken, or where Ranken would be when he stood up. Hart landed a precisely planted boot again on the shoulder of his challenger. He then slid back in the ring under the ropes. Felicia, closely watched by Tiny, egged Ranken up. She screamed, questioned his manhood and basically ran him down. She did all these things to get him back up and it worked.

The angry Brit reached out for her head, but she moved back. Ranken took another swipe in her direction as she kept goading him. Ranken was almost back to both feet… the trap worked. Once Ranken was right back to his feet…

CRASH

“HOLY-SHIT HOLY-SHIT HOLY-SHIT!” the fans jumped a cheered with Ranken and Hart tied up in a mess of steel.

Tony waited for the crowd to die back before stating, “The champion just executed a picture perfect suicide dive through the top and middle ropes!”

“Do you expect anything less than perfect from our champion?” Kane asked.

“The only problem I see is it’s hard to tell who took the worst of that one” Stone countered, “Watch right here on the replay.”

The screen split and the replay of the dive was being ran is slow motion. Hart rebound off the opposite ropes, he sprinted for the other side and dove head first through the top and middle rope. The point of impact on Ranken was just under his left arm and Shawn’s head was exposed to the steel railing. In fact it was used as a battering ram to almost knock the guardrail back into place. We returned to live action.

“See right there Hart’s head collided with that guardrail. He maybe unconscious.” reasoned the veteran play by play man.

Kane sarcastically responded, “It looked to me like Ranken deliberately slammed Hart’s head into that guardrail… DISQUALIFICATION!”

While the announcers debated camera 3 cut to the wrestlers who were still motionless in the pile of steel. The official’s first priority was to make sure both men were capable of continuing. He accomplished that goal, then proceeded to return to the ring. Since the champion and the challenger were both down both would be counted out.

“One, Two, Three, Four,” his arm shot out in unison with his count. Felicia and Tiny were both over by ground zero, they urged for Hart to get to his feet. Castle finally was able to escape the corner and he quickly circled to Ranken. Tiny was so upset he didn’t even notice Rodney was there.

His trusted mentor and trainer shook his arm and called out to him much the same way Hart’s entourage was encouraging him. Ranken’s eyes rolled back in his head. The champion had pretty much been having his way with Ranken for the last six minutes. Somehow he found enough to push the crumbled railing off him. LoC security kept the LoC faithful off the competitors and Ranken made another push to his feet. The fans got loud again, “RANK’N, RANK’N RANK’N.”

“SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT,” his count continued.

The Manchester Mauler once again answered the gut check. With a frown on his face and anger in his eyes he grabbed the champion by the head and ripped him from the steel.

“NINE!”

He tossed the champion inside the ring under the bottom ropes and slid in himself just before the ten count. The fans applauded in a show of respect. Ranken wasn’t quick to his feet, nor was Hart. Both men showed their battle marks with Hart having a trickle of blood from the top of his head. Ranken, well he sported a busted lip and some serious bruises on his lower back.

“These men are going to need a month to recover from this match!” Tony explained.

Kane again snipped, “A month? More like a couple of months… at least!”

Oliver Ranken was the first back to his feet. That burst of energy outside the ring was gone. His chest heaved; he tried to focus on Hart who was getting his legs back under him. Ranken limped into the center of the ring and called the champion to meet him. The extremely groggy Shawn Hart obliged and walked to the middle of the ring.

“Hot dayum!” popped Kane, “This is where champions are made Stoner!”

The battle resumed when Hart shot out a right that collided with Ranken’s face. The challenger stumbled back two steps and stopped. Ranken responded with a blazing forearm. Hart dropped back into the nearby ropes, he bounced off looking for a clothesline. Ranken ducked and grabbed Hart around the waist. Without even realizing it Hart was trapped in a belly to back waistlock. Hart tried to counter with an elbow. Ranken popped his hips and exploded over, Ranken didn’t release. No he held tight and brought Hart down directly on the back of his neck and shoulders.

“Belly to Back Superiorplex!” Tony excitedly explained, “That’s a momentum halter right there!”

Kane replied, “This match should have been over when Ranken slammed Hart’s head into the steel guardrail!”

Hart sat in the center of the ring folded in half. Ranken, who was still reeling, rolled away and up to all fours. The Mauler noticed the champion’s position, with his right arm he grabbed Hart’s leg and laid back across him. The official slid into position, he checked the shoulders and started his count.

“ONE! TWO! THRE… NO!” screamed Tony.

“OHHHHHHHHH…” the fans collectively gasped.

“THAT’S OUR CHAMPION!” Kane’s joy bubbled over.

Rodney Castle stood in Ranken’s corner. His jaw hanging to the ring apron… In the ring Ranken sat up on his knees. He threw his hands into the air. A look of disbelief replaced the normally grim look. The Manchester Mauler returned to his feet. He was still groggy, but more pissed off now. Ranken reached down and grabbed Hart by his head. The champion was still trickling blood down his forehead accompanied by gallons of sweat. The challenger bent down and scooped up El Hombre Magnifico and slammed him to the canvas.

It didn’t take him long to start putting the boots to the champion. Again he pulled Hart to his feet, this time Shawn took a swipe. It connected but had little effect, Ranken threw back another forearm shot, Hart responded with another right. The contest was turning more and more brutal by the second. Hart missed with a right hand, Ranken went for a clubbing clothesline. Hart ducked and the challenger put the brakes on when he turned around…

SLAP

“SUPAKICK!” Kane exclaimed.

The champion collapsed to the canvas as did Ranken. The fans stood in unison and applauded both warriors as they laid in the center of the ring. He was supposed to count them out, but honestly could he live with himself if he did? This was a match that deserved to have a definitive winner. So he stood back and did nothing.

Seconds ticked away to minutes… finally Ranken moved. He rolled to his stomach, Hart on the other hand rolled to his back. Ranken grabbed at the bottom rope, he stretched for the middle. The champion popped up to his feet. Hart shot into the ropes, off the rebound he was looking for a sit down clothesline. Ranken caught him and tried to reset for a Northern Lights Superiorplex. Hart countered leaping into the air looking for a Tornado DDT. Ranken extended his base and blocked it. He reset and stood up putting his chin right in Hart’s armpit. Ranken’s hips popped and again he exploded over…

SLAM

“YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!” the fans popped to their feet again.

“T-BONE SUPERIORPLEX!” called Stone.

The challenger rolled over and crawled to the champion. He threw his arm over The Muff Daddy’s chest. The official again slid into position, he checked the shoulders then proceeded.

Tony counted along with the referee and the fans, “ONE! TWO! THRE… SHOULDER’S UP!”

“NoooOOOOOO!” the fans couldn’t believe it either.

Again the Mauler was looking over the nearly destroyed champion wondering how he managed to keep getting his shoulder up. Slowly Ranken returned to his feet. He walked over by his corner and rested while taking advice from Castle. El Hombre Magnifico was somehow stirring on the canvas.

“I can’t fathom how the champion is still moving,” Tony Stone observed, “just look at him. Ranken’s dropped him on his head like three or four times. Where is he getting this from?”

Kane explained, “This is why Hart’s the champion, Stoner.”

The challenger grabbed a handful of The Muff Daddy’s hair and again pulled him to his feet. The referee was trying to get between Ranken and the champion. In his mindset of breaking up the hair pull he didn’t notice when Hart kicked his leg up backwards. Ranken grabbed at his jewels and buckled over. The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister took off into the ropes, off the rebound he caught the back of Ranken’s head and slammed it directly into the mat.

“Running Bulldog!” exclaimed Stone.

Kane countered back in excitement, “That’s right Stone, El Hombre Magnifico, is really about to shine!”

“El Hombre Magnifico?” questioned Tony.

“Yeah that’s what they call him back in Canada.” he replied with a straight face.

Both grapplers laid in the center of the ring. Neither man willing to give the other one the satisfaction of a victory, or the agonizing pain of a defeat. Hart went to get to all fours and couldn’t get it on the first try. The referee didn’t count, he like most just stood back in awe of the pace Ranken and Shawn Jessica Hart had been able to keep up. There wasn’t any kip ups coming, no, the energy for that was used up a while back.

The moment of silence gave way to Tony’s take, “Look at the way both these men are clawing, scratching… they’ll do whatever it takes to a see a victor in there!”

The champion’s hair hung drenched in sweat mixed with a light red from the blood. Ranken’s head glistened under the bright lights of the LoC Arena of Champions. The fans applauded the classic wrestling match they were being treated to inside the squared circle. Ranken managed to get a knee under his body which left him hunched over, Hart took notice of this and suddenly shot across the ring at him. The champion dove over Ranken’s back. With his left arm he Half Nelsoned the challenger and rolled him over. The official slid into position and checked the shoulders.

Tony again was on par with the official, “ONE! TWO! THRE… KICKOUT!”

“NooooooOOOO!!” argued Keith Kane who was celebrating outside his seat, “that’s crap! Ranken did not kick out in time!”

Ranken rolled off to his face and now it was Hart’s turn to stand in the ring with a dumbfounded look on his face. The challenger again went to his knees, but in quicker fashion this time he sat up. The Legacy Champion slowly returned to his feet. He looked outside the ring at his corner where Felicia and Tiny shouted suggestions into him. Rodney Castle, Ranken’s trusted advisor, hollered instructions into his man. In the end Ranken stood up and locked eyes with the champion. They each staggered into the center of the ring.

“Come on nancy,” Ranken demanded, “toss meh yor bes’ shot, sonshine!”

The Englishman had his swagger back. Shawn took option C which when he grabbed Ranken by the wrist and whip him across the ring, big mistake… huge. Hart attempted the whip across the ring only Ranken hopped and turned. He wrapped his trunk like arms around the champion’s waist. Before he knew what was happening Hart was being thrown across the ring landing on his back and sliding into the corner.

“Releasing Belly to Belly Superiorplex!” Stone shouted, “Ranken could be the next Legacy Champion!”

“You’re dreamin’ Stoner, Hart has Ranken right where he wants him!” Kane argued.

Ranken scurried across the canvas and covered Shawn without hooking a leg. The official slid into position, “ONE! TWO! THREE!!! NOOOOOOO!!”

Again the fans cheered, they applauded both competitors for the effort that has been given to them. At least this time Ranken didn’t have a shocked look on his face. No this time Ranken looked more concerned with where he was going to get the energy to get back up. Hart used the nearby corner to slide in and sit back. He carefully watched Ranken as he tried to get back to his feet. Felicia and Tiny parked themselves in the corner behind him.

Ranken took in all the air he could, he wanted to get back to his feet so he was trying to get back to his feet. The champion watched as the Mauler slowly rose to his knees. Then to one foot, Hart used the top ropes to stand upright again, then Ranken rose to his feet. Again both warriors met in the center of the ring. Each heaved, each looked the part of a man who’d been in the ring for almost a half hour.

They bypassed the collar and elbow and went directly back to beating on each other. Ranken finally closed his fists and levied a huge roundhouse right to the side of the champion’s head. The blow knocked Hart off his feet but the champion soon rose again. This time Hart squared up and issued a shot of his own. A stinging right hand that connected in Ranken’s already swollen left eye.

“There’s not going to be anything left of either one of these guys the way this is shaping up,” Tony clamored.

When Ranken turned around he was immediately greeted with an Enziguri kick to the side of the head. The challenger found himself back on the canvas, thankfully lying face down. The champion barely had anything left in his own tank but he fought back to his feet. He saw the challenger reaching out for the bottom rope. Hart walked up and stomped on Ranken’s hand. The Mauler grabbed at his hand.

Hart’s onslaught was far from over, the champion again took aim at the shoulder he’d been working over most of the match. Another forceful stomp there and a second… then a third, Shawn Hart was looking to soften up the Briton for his trademarked Fujiware Armbar. The Muff Daddy pulled Ranken to his feet and led him back into a nearby corner.

SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP SLAP

Tony gasped, “Those overhand chops just beat Ranken’s chest blood red!”

“Come on Champ, put this chump away!” urged Kane.

The Legacy Champion shot his opponent across the ring. Ranken slammed back first into the corner just over the timekeepers table. Shawn Hart charged in after him. When he jumped up looking to grab Ranken with a Monkey Flip, the challenger countered and dumped The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister over the top rope.

CRASH

“HOLY-SHIT HOLY-SHIT HOLY-SHIT!!” chanted the LoC faithful in unison.

“I don’t think Shawn Hart is going to be getting up from that one.” announced Tony Stone.

Keith Kane argued, “It can’t end with an English Champion! It just can’t!”

Ranken dropped to his face and rolled out of the ring. Hart’s bodyguard Tiny mashed his mammoth girth into Ranken cutting him off from getting to his boss, the champion. The official demanded that Tiny back off, or he’d disqualify the champion, more than likely exactly what the bodyguard was hoping for. Tiny plead his case all the while pressing his waistline more and more into the challenger. Felicia pulled the referee’s attention to her.

“Come on this is three on one highway robbery!” argued Tony Stone.

Kane laughed and replied, “I think on the highway the odds are more in your favor.”

Tony didn’t find the joke nearly as funny. Instead he quickly turned back to the action, the squashing incident kept Ranken worn down while allowing Shawn Jessica Hart to get his wits about him. The champion with some help from his lovely sister helped him back to his feet. Hart looked around, Tiny was off Ranken by this time, and was wobbling over to the champion’s side.

Ranken barely stood against the ring apron, he was exhausted. While figuring he was being underestimated he might be guilty of the same thing. While Hart wasn’t exactly the first guy that would bring the fear out of you, he was a tenacious competitor. He had an iron will and a skill set to accomplish any task set out before him. This night, Ranken was that task. The Englishman stumbled off the ring apron but managed his footing. Felicia quickly ordered, “Tiny finish him!!”

“Oh no,” Stone shuddered.

Across the floor teetered at full speed the monstrous Tiny.

Kane corrected, “This looks like the big, big Ker-SPLAT!!”

Tiny wobbled over, Ranken noticed. When Tiny’s blubber was set to strike his bosses’s challenger, Ranken grabbed his wrist and rolled out. Tiny spun accordingly the Englishman stepped in and locked his hand around the ample waist of Tiny.

SPLAT

“YeeeeeaaaaaaahhHHHHH!!” the fans exploded in unison.

“That might have been the biggest Superiorplex ever thrown ,” Kane observed.

Tony added, “Tiny’s as big as a big cow and Ranken just threw him clean across the floor.”

Felicia valiantly tried to protect her big bro, but as the irate Englishman stormed towards the Harts she quickly backed out. The Prime Minister of Gettin’ Sinister was draped out over what remained of the table. Shattered pieces had exploded all over the hard floor, pieces that stretched from the second row, to the announcer’s table, all around ringside. Ranken reached down and pulled Shawn to him. He rolled the champion under the bottom ropes and quickly followed in for the cover. The official warned Ranken not to leave his legs under the bottom rope so the challenger spun around. The official slid into position and checked the shoulders.

“ONE! TWO THRE… Foot’s on the ropes!!” called the relieved play by play man.

The color man quickly replied, “You’re supposed to be un-biased… Like me.”

Again in the ring the challenger is fuming. He reached down and with two handfuls of sweaty hair pulled the champion back to his feet. Ranken whips him off into the diagonal corner. Ranken barreled in, he dropped his shoulder… Hart lifted his lower body…

SMASH

Ranken came to rest on the steel cables fastening the corner’s to the steel ringpost. The very same ringpost he just slammed his already worked over left shoulder into. The official sprinted over to check on the champion and challenger alike. Only when he reached Hart he was grabbed with two hands to his shirt. Outside the ring Felicia found her purse, inside she pulled out her bottle of perfume… with a cat that ate the canary grin she waltzed up on the challenger.

“ARGGGGHHHHHH!” screamed Ranken having been dealt a full face of her sweet aroma.

“That bitch!” popped Stone, “She just sprayed the challenger in the face… Disqualify her right now!”

Ranken struggled to get free from the corner, just as Hart got to his feet. That left arm hung from Ranken’s side flopping about from side to side. With the blinded bully fumbling about in the ring the champion noticed probably his best opportunity of the night. Ranken tried to steady himself. He wanted to keep things moving so he cleared out his right eye to the best of his ability. He did so just in time to see a blurry image shooting at his face…

SMACK

“SupaKICK,” called Tony Stone.

The challenger stood up and spun around counter clockwise, Hart had the presence of mind to grab that left wrist and as Ranken crumbled to the mat Shawn synched in his Fujiware Armbar. The official slid into position asking Ranken if he wanted to continue. There was no response.

“RANK’N… RANK’N… RANK’N!” they chanted trying to fire up the challenger.

Hart leaned back more applying further pressure to the elbow and shoulder. Still Ranken didn’t move. The official lifted his free right arm in the air. He released it and it fell…

“That’s One!” called the official.

Again he proceeded to lift and drop the arm. Again it fell…

“That’s TWO!” he announced.

For the third and final time he raised Ranken’s arm and it fell…

“That’s THREE!” announced the referee calling for the bell.

Ding, dinnnnGGGG

“The winner of this match… and STILL Legacy Champion… SHAWN JESSICA HaaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRTTTTT!!!!!”

There wasn’t much in the way of celebrating after the match. Rodney was the first on the scene to try and help revive Hart’s first formidable challenge. Ranken didn’t submit, probably his only comfort from this match is he didn’t give up. Across the ring the champion was at least lucid, he embraced his title keeping a tight grip on it. All the detractors who said he wouldn’t be capable of pulling off one single defense against a capable challenger now had to shut up.

“You know I have to admit I am very impressed at our champion.” admitted Stone.

Kane responded, “You should be our champion is quite the man!”

“ Well folks this is Tony Stone, with Keith Kane signing off from Ready, Set, Wrestle!” Stone plugged away, “don’t miss our fiftieth episode of Violence…wait a second…is that…!”

“Oh for the love of God! Don’t tell me that guy is Hart’s victory!”

The fans turned their attention toward the top of the emtranceway and cheered their hearts out as The Mysterious Wanderer himself, Suicide, appeared. He stood motionless with his hands in his trench coat pockets as he stared into the ring where Shawn Hart was celebrating with his entourage.

The Legacy Champion was stopped from jumping up and down by his sister Felicia as she was the first to take notice Suicide. After Shawn Hart looked toward The Mysterious Wanderer, Tiny was still bouncing up and down before The Phenom smacked him hard across the back of the head.

Shawn Hart readied himself as he used Felicia and Tiny as human shields. Then, as Suicide took his hands out of his pockets…and clapped. Still on his toes, The Minister of Gettin’ Sinister sneered at his foe and then raised the Legacy Championship high above his head.

Suicide stopped clapping and stood still for a few brief moments before he tipped his hat. He then turned around and disappeared behind the curtain. The fans chanted his name repeatedly as Hart knew his war with The Mysterious Wanderer was far from over…

Winner: Shawn Jessica Hart